27.04.2012
Remember one particularly hot April, few years back, goddamn, maybe even it was a decade ago-I sunburned my back.
Some bloke on the radio said yesterday in the radio, that we should expect maximum 23C during the day. Well, when I looked last time it was 26C in da shade. I let the day slip away. Finally read some book, and was sunbathing and smoking foreign cigarettes. I begin to dislike smoking. Why on Earth I still keep on doing it? Bleah...
The awkward time approaches. Last year, this time, I was in the state of utter confusion and was gnawed on by contrary feelings. Also I was shaken as hell. I wonder if he remembers. Anything.
I have not much of a hope for Norway as I mentioned before, and the prospect of going to the Isles is ever more clear. Perhaps this is for good. Certainly it will be a positive thing for me and my dear Boy, as being apart must eventually take it's toll. So I'll try again to like the land of kings and queens. Maybe there are some new possibilities ahead of me, maybe I have there greater chance to pursuit my artistic "career". I would never suspect, not even in the wildest dreams, that I shall wander that much in life...
Sometimes I imagine what I could do, except for rather inevitable work at flower shop...I'd paint and sculpt and woodburn stuff. Maybe even do some wedding from time to time. Buy myself a longbow at last. And a bodhram. Sign up with some archery club. Go to Hastings. Have a lot of plants in the pots at home. Eat superfoods. Buy land.
of perverts and collisions
18-19.04.2012
I wonder where will I be at summer time. Norway plans are still but writings on the water. For some reason I'm very sceptical-actually don't believe in success. Everything is about to unfold soon.
Days are passing by, so as creature's lifes. One of our dogs-Pamela-ceased to be( well, technically was put to sleep) as she developed some nasty, tick-related illness.Couldn't eat, drink or move. It's scary sometimes how things quickly change. She was 17 though, so at least she lived quite long and was happy.
On monday, while waiting for a last bus, completely alone, as all people seemed to vanish, I saw a shadow of a man. Didn't pay much attention to it, and remain standing next to news stand kiosk. Some few minutes later, when I turned around I saw something moving, just a meter away, and dissapearing behind kiosk's wall. WTF?-I thought and walked away closer to the street. When I turned around I saw a man, hiding in the shadow, looking at me and jerking off. Goddamn, what the hell is wrong with this bus stop?!People stab each other here or wank. Seriously have to start using another one. Besides, how pathethically sad or sick you have to be to masturbate in public? I gave him a long look. Most of my experiences with pervs are connected with Białystok-this is peculiar...
Went with O. for electromagnetic field measurements-first time this spring. Sunny but windy day at Grodzisk. When we were trying to reverse on the small, local parking plot we bumped into another van. And so we wasted it's bumper a little bit. First thought: LET'S GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!That would be very stupid, haha. Still, the owner of the other car happen to just emerge out of nearby shop, so we had to do the paper work which took an hour, take some photos and all. The hour was late when we began measurements. I took a short walk through the village and photographed few buildings. Ate something. Sat in the car and watched as garbage guys empty plastic and glass containers into ONE compartment. Recycling, my ass. What is the point?!On our way back we drove through some small villages with interesting wooden architecture.
Am not very creative as of late. Some small pyrographic work. Still painting birds for an exibition.O. obviously isn't in a hurry as Odin and Goblin are still unfinished.This pisses me off.
I wonder where will I be at summer time. Norway plans are still but writings on the water. For some reason I'm very sceptical-actually don't believe in success. Everything is about to unfold soon.
Days are passing by, so as creature's lifes. One of our dogs-Pamela-ceased to be( well, technically was put to sleep) as she developed some nasty, tick-related illness.Couldn't eat, drink or move. It's scary sometimes how things quickly change. She was 17 though, so at least she lived quite long and was happy.
On monday, while waiting for a last bus, completely alone, as all people seemed to vanish, I saw a shadow of a man. Didn't pay much attention to it, and remain standing next to news stand kiosk. Some few minutes later, when I turned around I saw something moving, just a meter away, and dissapearing behind kiosk's wall. WTF?-I thought and walked away closer to the street. When I turned around I saw a man, hiding in the shadow, looking at me and jerking off. Goddamn, what the hell is wrong with this bus stop?!People stab each other here or wank. Seriously have to start using another one. Besides, how pathethically sad or sick you have to be to masturbate in public? I gave him a long look. Most of my experiences with pervs are connected with Białystok-this is peculiar...
Went with O. for electromagnetic field measurements-first time this spring. Sunny but windy day at Grodzisk. When we were trying to reverse on the small, local parking plot we bumped into another van. And so we wasted it's bumper a little bit. First thought: LET'S GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!That would be very stupid, haha. Still, the owner of the other car happen to just emerge out of nearby shop, so we had to do the paper work which took an hour, take some photos and all. The hour was late when we began measurements. I took a short walk through the village and photographed few buildings. Ate something. Sat in the car and watched as garbage guys empty plastic and glass containers into ONE compartment. Recycling, my ass. What is the point?!On our way back we drove through some small villages with interesting wooden architecture.
Am not very creative as of late. Some small pyrographic work. Still painting birds for an exibition.O. obviously isn't in a hurry as Odin and Goblin are still unfinished.This pisses me off.
of decay and unexpected meeting
02.04.2012
Winter still fighting strong-ocassional blizzards, temperature below zero during the night. Quite annoying.
Almost as annoying as the thought that my teeth are in ruin, even though there was not much of any sign-be it pain or such, to raise suspicion. Now tooth upon tooth is being closely examined by my dear Aunt, and now instead of one filling I have, uhmm, six?! Am rather dissapointed, as I thought at least my teeth are in great codition. They surely look healthy, but this is just a deceit. Goddamn. Still lower jaw to be checked-I begin to fear that might be same story.
As for my state of mind, it seems I start to feel better. I know I'm in hopeless position as it comes to finances and I really, really wish that someone would finally notice my desperation and foremostly: my awesomness and skill, to buy some of my works. O. says my paintings for the exibition are visibly made in a hurry and without proper focusing. I hate to admit he's probably right. Maybe I should make some few more pyrographic works, and instead of 15 paintings, exibit just 10. Don't even know how big is the exibition space.
Polymer Odin is done, and at O.'s with few basic layers on. My next concept is a devilish horse head-like the one from SleepyHollow or the one of Ringwraiths/Nazgul stallions.
Today, once again, at Grandpa's I have been forced to watch some television. At first it was highly interesting, because there was some BBC Nature document about Africa's most astonishing places. Soon enough though, after returning from my dear Aunt the dentist (this time just a horrible feeling of big lump attached to my throat, as my palate was completely anaestehetised ) had to watch one of the most popular shows, where people have to guess a title of a song after hearing just few notes ( "TODAY'S SPONSOR IS A PRODUCER OF MARMOT FAT OINTMENT"-I kid you not! ). Perhaps the idea is good but certainly not the way this program is being put together. The audience (consisting of very young people dressed as for some stupid disco party), is so fake in reactions, so desperatly pathetic, that it seriously bothers me. I can easily imagine a screen with words "AND NOW CHEER!" or "APPLAUD!" or " BE EXTATIC!" which almost certainly is being shown to those people. And holy mother of Fuck-dancing and singing numbers are even worse. Even if someone really has some vocal talent it becomes irrelevant when contradicted with tacky outfits, stupid face expressions, pretended emotions, and constant urge to be "sexy". I mean-really- does every man have a hard on when some refurbished bitch is almost doing a blow job to a microphone? And does every woman get wet, when some immaculately shaved and tanned weirdo in skinny jeans sliding off his boney ass sings about love and desire? Seriously, WTF is happening to this world?
And how about all those tv series? Yet another pulp for the brain. Thor allmighty, and there are some people out there, hundreds of thousands maybe, or even milions, who are so deeply involved into these shallow stories, thay can't actually live without them. What is the purpose, for instance, of making a series of "supermodel's" life? What a incredibly idiotic idea. I understand that fashion must be presented somehow, and models are to be walking hangers, but why on Earth everybody are so excited about it? I think it is an outrage that models, actors and football players get such rediculous amounts of money for their work, and for example brain surgeon gets just a fraction of that amounts.
Everybody wants to be worshipped, desired, pampered for as long as posssible and by as many people as possible. Pure, fucking madness.
Television is making terrible things to my mind. That's why I hardly watch it.
*
Today, quite unexpectedly while on my way to the dentist, I met a guy whom I haven't seen for roughly ten years. Was immidiately certain it's him. And he did recognise me too, seemed even to be pleased to see me as he kept saying that several times. We met ages ago at the exams on ASP in Gdańsk. Apparently he's doing really good in life, and what's even more interesting, he's lives solely out of photography! And mind you, he's a father of three! Am quite amazed. He looks happy. So, thre are some happy people in this country after all. We exchanged telephone numbers, hugged and split as I didn't really have time and he was visibly in a hurry as well. Don't really think of any people as possibly useful in the future, but I think that this particular acquaintance is worth tending to.
Besides was attacked by two stupid mongrels that belong to our neighbor, while coming back home from the city. Had to walk backwards as they barked loudly trying to get me. Was yelling at them and waving my grocery bag a bit, but generally wasn't freaked out. Only if any of them ever dare to bite me, I'll fucking kill it. The owner should be severly punished for being irresponsible dick hole.
And now for something completely different:
I don't know, but this I guess is not my future after all. One of my fairies.
Last but not least- another life has come to an end-Wiktor Wołkow ceased to be. He'd be 70 on 4th of April. Humble photographer in love with nature. There will be no other like him. It is said that almost a thousand people came to his funeral in Białystok. I think he wouldn't like it.
Winter still fighting strong-ocassional blizzards, temperature below zero during the night. Quite annoying.
Almost as annoying as the thought that my teeth are in ruin, even though there was not much of any sign-be it pain or such, to raise suspicion. Now tooth upon tooth is being closely examined by my dear Aunt, and now instead of one filling I have, uhmm, six?! Am rather dissapointed, as I thought at least my teeth are in great codition. They surely look healthy, but this is just a deceit. Goddamn. Still lower jaw to be checked-I begin to fear that might be same story.
As for my state of mind, it seems I start to feel better. I know I'm in hopeless position as it comes to finances and I really, really wish that someone would finally notice my desperation and foremostly: my awesomness and skill, to buy some of my works. O. says my paintings for the exibition are visibly made in a hurry and without proper focusing. I hate to admit he's probably right. Maybe I should make some few more pyrographic works, and instead of 15 paintings, exibit just 10. Don't even know how big is the exibition space.
Polymer Odin is done, and at O.'s with few basic layers on. My next concept is a devilish horse head-like the one from SleepyHollow or the one of Ringwraiths/Nazgul stallions.
Today, once again, at Grandpa's I have been forced to watch some television. At first it was highly interesting, because there was some BBC Nature document about Africa's most astonishing places. Soon enough though, after returning from my dear Aunt the dentist (this time just a horrible feeling of big lump attached to my throat, as my palate was completely anaestehetised ) had to watch one of the most popular shows, where people have to guess a title of a song after hearing just few notes ( "TODAY'S SPONSOR IS A PRODUCER OF MARMOT FAT OINTMENT"-I kid you not! ). Perhaps the idea is good but certainly not the way this program is being put together. The audience (consisting of very young people dressed as for some stupid disco party), is so fake in reactions, so desperatly pathetic, that it seriously bothers me. I can easily imagine a screen with words "AND NOW CHEER!" or "APPLAUD!" or " BE EXTATIC!" which almost certainly is being shown to those people. And holy mother of Fuck-dancing and singing numbers are even worse. Even if someone really has some vocal talent it becomes irrelevant when contradicted with tacky outfits, stupid face expressions, pretended emotions, and constant urge to be "sexy". I mean-really- does every man have a hard on when some refurbished bitch is almost doing a blow job to a microphone? And does every woman get wet, when some immaculately shaved and tanned weirdo in skinny jeans sliding off his boney ass sings about love and desire? Seriously, WTF is happening to this world?
And how about all those tv series? Yet another pulp for the brain. Thor allmighty, and there are some people out there, hundreds of thousands maybe, or even milions, who are so deeply involved into these shallow stories, thay can't actually live without them. What is the purpose, for instance, of making a series of "supermodel's" life? What a incredibly idiotic idea. I understand that fashion must be presented somehow, and models are to be walking hangers, but why on Earth everybody are so excited about it? I think it is an outrage that models, actors and football players get such rediculous amounts of money for their work, and for example brain surgeon gets just a fraction of that amounts.
Everybody wants to be worshipped, desired, pampered for as long as posssible and by as many people as possible. Pure, fucking madness.
Television is making terrible things to my mind. That's why I hardly watch it.
*
Today, quite unexpectedly while on my way to the dentist, I met a guy whom I haven't seen for roughly ten years. Was immidiately certain it's him. And he did recognise me too, seemed even to be pleased to see me as he kept saying that several times. We met ages ago at the exams on ASP in Gdańsk. Apparently he's doing really good in life, and what's even more interesting, he's lives solely out of photography! And mind you, he's a father of three! Am quite amazed. He looks happy. So, thre are some happy people in this country after all. We exchanged telephone numbers, hugged and split as I didn't really have time and he was visibly in a hurry as well. Don't really think of any people as possibly useful in the future, but I think that this particular acquaintance is worth tending to.
Besides was attacked by two stupid mongrels that belong to our neighbor, while coming back home from the city. Had to walk backwards as they barked loudly trying to get me. Was yelling at them and waving my grocery bag a bit, but generally wasn't freaked out. Only if any of them ever dare to bite me, I'll fucking kill it. The owner should be severly punished for being irresponsible dick hole.
And now for something completely different:
I don't know, but this I guess is not my future after all. One of my fairies.
Last but not least- another life has come to an end-Wiktor Wołkow ceased to be. He'd be 70 on 4th of April. Humble photographer in love with nature. There will be no other like him. It is said that almost a thousand people came to his funeral in Białystok. I think he wouldn't like it.
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