of chill

28.01.2011
Can't believe it is almost the end of January. The Sun sets around half past four. Few very bright and cold days. We were at the graveyard yesterday, and I was trying to take a picture as there was very intriguing light. But in a matter of seconds my fingers went numb ( can't do a bloody thing in gloves ) and soon after quite painful. O. had to help me out with putting camera to my backpack, as I had completely stiff hands. No idea what temperature might had been that day, but surely well below -10C! It always amazes me-the passing of time, changing of seasons. Can't wait for Spring, when every little plant emerging from the soil is a joy to look at. The shade of green that only young leaves have. The smell of wind carrying mixed scents of plants. The first spring rain. And the light, lots of light until the very evening...
Working on the God of Thunder. Made some weapons, and started the armour, but there is still a lot of work before me.

Managed to produce Tailed Emperor and sell it. Hopefully I'll be able to gather money for THE TICKET. If we won't be able to attend this eterprise, at least I could invest in local gym and do something for myself.
Am weak. Can't even lift myself properly on the bar, can't do any push-ups. Must strengthen myself. Won't risk cycling at this temperature and overall conditions. Would probably knock my teeth out or something. AND drown in my own nasal fluids.
Made pizza today (not entirely by myself) and it turned out good. Felted few woolen hearts.
Might go to the church tomorrow! Or not. There is some photographic documentation to be done of Grandpa's work. He made every single thing there: the altar, confessionals, stations of the cross and so on. Existing photos are simply revolting. Would prefer not to go there on Sunday as I can't stand all these pompous ceremonies. Probably though, O. won't deliver, so I will almost certainly remain home...
38 days. Seems like eternity...

of usual

26.01.2011
To cut things short-working with D600 is a delight. Nothing can stop me now from capturing the reality.
Have usual ups and downs-I think this is just something I'll never get rid off...

Working on Thor. Of course I shan't leave him in his birthday suit- must do some research on norse armour and adornments. So far, he looks good.
And here is better picture of Herja:

Today I must complete felt butterfly (Tailed Emperor), for tomorrow my aunt will take it to her friend.
Added two more collages to my Etsy gallery. Was invited to one of the Etsy groups, and to my utter surprise it gave more attention to my shop than running search ads for two weeks! Still I wish someone would actually BUY something, instead of ADMIRING... Decided (with hesistation) to make few felted, heart-shaped brooches in different color combinations, and place them on allegro. I absolutely hate, hate, hate this Valentine rush, but last year made some money on postcards, so this year might try something different.
Made ciabatta-it's gone already...
Did the laundry.
Signing up for Pepiniera...

And here is portrait of Crybaby. He's my favourite cat from the lot:

of tools

23.01.2012
Had really good time on Friday and Saturday, and a really lousy Sunday. Am really pissed I can't spend more time with O. Lack of time (well, not on MY side) and certain distance (10km?) make it impossible to meet up more often, even for half an hour or such. And I need it. Perhaps I'm acquisitive-what I have is not enough, I always expect more. What I find particularly annoying, is that time for some reason speeds up when not necessary, and slows down when I need it to pass as quickly as possible. When you have a great time you want it to last forever, don't you??
My new hairstyle drawn some attention in the Family-Grandpa says I look younger, and so says O. Does it mean I look like a teenager now? Aunt U. said she'd love to do the same, but she thinks it would look kind of inappropriate at her age. I think not. My Mother said I have a thing for extravagance, and I must admit I do. In general-am glad I've done it.
Now I know that I'm not going to attend Behemoth's concert. Nergal perhaps is a charismatic guy but in my opinion has major lacks at the voice department. Music is fine. To much satan though- it bores me almost as much as sermon in the church. And I'm broke. While writing this I received two calls from O.- one to inform me that Kris has two tickets for us at the good price (50zł), and shortly after he called to say that Kris sold one already. Which concludes the case. If we have Opeth in mind next month (at least I do!), then this 50zł makes a difference to my budget...
Have I mentioned that I failed to win anything at the photo contest? Why, oh, why my Canon arrived today, and not two weeks ago... Still, meeting with Tomasz Tomaszewski was quite nice, and can count as a positive experience. 
Oh, yes, well  Canon Rebel T3i arrived in the morning (I always claim 23th of a month to be lucky) packed in awesome thick plywood case, which my Far made to protect equipment inside. Of course charger cable is typical for an american socket, so I need adapter. Andrew gave me one, and I managed to charge the battery full. Left adapter for five goddamn minutes at the kitchen's table, only to find it in shreds on the carpet!! I thought I'll kill Perkele, for obviously she climbed the chair, picked adapter from table and Tora finished it off. One day I will do something awful to this mindless creature. She brought more destruction to this house within three months, than whole rest of dogs and cats residing here for years! Odin protect me from myself.....
Fortunately Aunt has another adapter, and Andrew said he'll pick some of these from his colleague. It's easily aviable on allegro, but surely, I prefer to get it for free. Soon I'll be in need of USA-UK adapter, though. As for camera-It's great. It has few silly options in it (for ex. toy camera effect, or  miniature effect-the one you get with tilt and shift ), and some I haven't checked yet.

Here is portrait of Misia, one of our bitches. She's 17 years old and I have reasons to suspect she has some sight and hearing problems. Her hind legs are dragged stiff, and she loves to bark endlessly. But she has a kind face... Today four trees had been cut down-could hear the sound of falling pieces and feel ground shaking. It always saddens me-trees cannot scream or defend themselves. But this had to be done-otherwise one day half of the house would be in ruin.

of partial baldness and such

19.01.2012
Am 31 years 4 months old today.
Shaving side of my head hasn't anything to do with it though. 
My first doll/figurine called Herja is now finished. Made few mistakes, but not very significant. Outfit is made of leather, hair-out of silk.

Pictures are of poor quality, but will sort that out when my Canon arrives. Can't give precise measurements of Herja's body right now, as she still remains at Grandpa's workshop. There is one final thing to be done-to bore a hole in her bottom and attach a nail/wire to the wooden stand. This way she might be taken off the stand and be placed anywhere (shelf and etc.).

Now I'm working on Thor's figurine-he'll be slightly smaller, but Herja doesn't belong to my planned series of scandinavian gods, so it doesn't matter. I have almost finished Thor's head and am quite satisfied. He'll be sitting as well, wearing some detailed armour with real leather on it and holding a helmet and of course his Hammer. Might add the iron gloves too. Generally rather fierce looking handsome badass, hah. Don't know what of his hair-it'll be made of Sculpey I suppose, unless I get some nice brown or terra coloured silk. I checked on allegro and brown is avaiable, however it isn't especially attractive shade. Rather dull I'd say. And orange silk is far too orangey to my liking...Might need black and white as well-the latter for Odin's head. And I have some of my own hair to be used for doll making!

 There is hope for custom made butterfly/moth brooch again and maybe a hat. Would be great.

of inspirations

14.01.2012
Photos sent. Wonder if anything good happens.
Yesterday was Friday the 13th, much feared date for some people-it happened to be rather nice for me. I had great plans to cut some things forever but did not deliver. Am giving myself more time to understand and accept thing as they are.
My doll has been slightly reshaped- I decided to give her more muscles and make her more warrior type than the etherial one. I want her to kick ass-not literally. Today ( although late is the hour ) I'll start sculpting some other doll/figurine. I have always been impressed with works of Simon Bisley, I think he's a natural genius. If I only had a fraction of his drawing talent I would be extremely proud of myself! Even his bible inspired drawings are of undeniable beauty. But let us not be fooled-he's on the dark side...

Will I ever master human anatomy this well, or the game of light?!Or the movement?!!
I feel truly impaired.
Meanwhile, it appears that winter wants to mark it's territory after all. Can't say I'm overly happy with it. I'm observing little corriander and even smaller oregano sprouts shyily emerging from the brown, fertile soil I gave them. They grow in handsome, clay pots I have found at the old plant nursery at the edge of the nearby forest.

Also, I wonder I ever get to that stage with my body. Not with my joints, I guess.
52 days.
One more Biz:

of work in progress

11.01.2012

My first doll. Of course there is still a lot to be done. It needs some reshaping and smoothing and resculpting-but this is just a base. I must think of tricky bits, for example: how to dress her??I could sculpt her outfit as well but I feel this won't look good. Painting and hair and eyes and  eyelashes (another difficult bit) are yet to be done. I don't like her tits-they lack certain gravity and the shape is close to silicon look than natural, so I need to work on them too. But so far I'm quite satisfied with results. My black Barbie- the one with very flexible limbs-appears to be very useful as a model. Of course some of her features are exaggerated, but I have that in mind. She has ball jointed limbs which makes her even more interesting, as I could try to apply same principles to my next moveable doll.
Is this my future?
Negative developed-of course it has typical for Kodak yellowish dominant. BDW, I learned recently, that Eastman Kodak is going down-it is on the verge of bankrupcy. After over 130 years of its existence on the market, with so many unique patents, they are forced to admit they can't push this trolley no longer. No sign of a buyer of their patents, either.
Still- photos have certain retro look, which may or may not be advantageous.

And here's a lousy photo of my new painting (50cm x 60cm). Might have mentioned it before.

Today am going to indulge into some alcoholic behaviour. Within moderation hopefully.

of light in the tunnel

09.01.2012
Today I realised again how tiring and exhausting photographic sessions can be. I was running frantically from one corner of grandpa's workshop to another, lifting heavy things appropriate for my composition ( wooden stump, heavy as don't-know-what moose antlers, bas relief ladscapes and so forth ). Also trying to figure out some good light with equipment close to none. Discovered, that human skull which I remember I was scared of as a child ( these empty eye sockets!! ), belongs to some fellow who died at the Grunwald battlefield! This skull is ancient indeed-the bone is like pumice, and only one tooth remained at the lower jaw. Today was actually the first time I have touched it. I wonder how did he look like. And was he scared shitless or went to battle convinced of his strength and skill.
Session took us about an hour to complete and I went to the lab soon afterwards to have it developed. Will pick it up tomorrow and see if there is anything good there. Hate competitions and am doing it more out of boredom than anything else.
Also, I'm going to have my own exibition at Medical Academy on March ( don't know yet if it's the beginning or middle or end of the month ). Paintings and pyrography. Hope there'll be some catalouge- there is always good to have one in order to show it to some people. Need at least 20 paintings-painted three so far.
Finally, I got some polymer clay that I requested from my Far. Expected maybe two kilos but got something around five! It is incredible material-looks and smells as rubber, remains flexible even if you leave it for the next day to finish. It hardens permanently only when baked. There are certain hazards involved when too high temperature is applied or when you bake it for too long. Toxic fumes and such. Well, must be careful and follow directions-that's all! I think doll making can be my future. I've seen some really disgusting, ugly, badly made dolls on the web, all of them One Of A Kind of course-and they were among sold one, so...I can do better than that. Much, much better. Only have to learn what is what.
I NEED SUN!!
Where the fuck is it?!
Second day of taking Trigosamine. Joints still crepitate.

of disdain

01.01.2012
So, here I am, at the beginning of anxiously anticipated year two-o-twelve. Went to bed around 6 in a morning, feeling exhausted and sad, as usual. Now I am like a limp fish-my movements are slow and I have no strength to crack a walnut without breaking a sweat. I have hardly eaten. Have no headache or stomach pains but have chills instead. I should say I had fairly good New Years party, but I wouldn't be true to myself, so I won't say it. Some new people met. Again I have made an impression on them without even trying. This is fucking weird. Why does this happen to me? I would prefer to make impression on people I really care for, not some random human beings WITH WIFES AND NEWLY BORN CHILDREN  or such. Come on!! It really bugs me-why people do choose "traditional" ways of life, only to regret it and then trying to hide it through the rest of their lifes. When they see someone who lives and thinks differently, they are amazed and I can see this strange sparks in their eyes-be it interest, envy, fascination...And there is ALWAYS much exaltation when you mention you're actually an ARTIST. Holy fuck?!RE-ALLY? How perfectly marvellous!!This is SOOO exciting! And they look straight into your eyes and they drink every word from your lips, like a precious nectar. And they nod and understand. And they wish they had time to commit themselves to such wonderful activities of creation.

I think I had a little wrestling session with O., and one of my fingers hurts me, which only means he did the lever on me again (I mean O.-not my finger). Now, this is little annoying, because it's the easiest way to avoid serious punch exchange-he does it to break me, and this is not fair at all. I work with this hand, goddamn it!
Also I was crying a lot. Noticed, that when without my Boy, I just simply can't get drunk and be silly and happy. And tears are just flowing uncotrollably. What a crybaby, it's just pathetic! Also, I can't get over some stuff, simply can't forget and accept that things change. Don't know what to do about it.

We went to the city market to have a laugh at Agnieszka Chylińska presenting songs from her new album-just watched her clip with Merry Men and all. Holy crap, unfortunately it wasn't even funny. Managed to spend about five minutes in the crowd of weird looking people, and then retreated home. I must have been quite under the influence then, because I simply can't recall any fireworks or nothing. Almost missed the big moment.And then endless conversations until 5a.m. O. didn't want to let me go by bus and was pressing for ordering a taxi. I declined. Then wanted me to sleep over, but I declined that too. Maybe if I had a sleeping bag...Anyhow, left soon feeling shaky and dissapointed with myself and everything. I was approached by some drunk individual when I was sitting at the rear end of a bus. Fortunately I gave him such a look that he quickly abandoned the idea of conversation. I arrived at home precisely at 6a.m. and lost conciousness.

Now I must think of what to do with myself, and how to do it.
I'm awaiting my new camera with great anticipation-at last I'll be able to do more at the field of photography...