of histerical bitch

31. X. 2011

Ok, ok, so it's Halloween, but instead of carving in pumpkins and dressing up as half-eaten corpse I'm busy with dog walking a chicken sized bitch. I saw her yesterday in the newspaper and thought: what a pretty, little thing!Next thing I know, my Aunt makes a call to the animal shelter ( she knows everybody there ) and ask around. Few hours later, Bitch Is In Da House! Today I can say for certain, she's jealous as hell- won't let anyone touch me. Also every unknown sound (every sound, that is) makes her nervous and all shaken up. Also every human being is in her eyes a possible threat. So my question is-what kind of sick bastards, miserable lowlifes, dickheads and fucks she'd been encountering throughout her life?! I seriously hope that soon she'll come to her senses, at least as it comes to accepting my Aunt. It's like with a infant-can't leave it for a moment. I was always dreaming of a clever little dog I can take everywhere. Don't suppose I could take her to a bus, at least not anytime soon. I'd end up with a lot of trouble. BDW- Tora, the english bulldog sat on her today, so there was a lot of high pitched wining. I think it was just an act, a lot of exaggeration...
We'll see. If it wasn't for me, poor bitch would be now out in the cold and mist, as woman who was her foster, couldn't stand her anymore (it was the husband who took this little thing from the shelter a year ago. Unfortunately he ceased to be, and his wife, well, she's a stupid tart). There is a hard work ahead of me! And I need some breathing space, for goodness sake-she's after me wherever I go. And keeps staring into my eyes.
Phew...

Decided to name her Perkele, as I'm obviously obessed with this word, AND my dear Boyfriend suggested it, so I guess it's done.
Besides-extremely gloomy day. Woke up far too early for my liking.
Unexpected visit from O.- I call it MMS.
Ps. watched some stuff about making jewelry out of silver and copper. Piece of cake.
And as it is Halloween after all, here is little accent:

One of the Keaton's best characters! Love that guy.

of slug making etc.

29. X. 2011
Shite...
So I'll wake up tomorrow only to find out that the day is short of another hour of light. And it is all because of Germans, who around 1916  took it into their heads, that such time manipulation is necessary to save coal. And this idea spread over the Europe, even so the whole "saving" reasons are worth a rat's ass! Various researches proved the contrary- MORE energy is being used, than before the time change. Perkele.
I stayed at home today-well, it was quite chilly and grey outside- not the best excuse for laziness, but still.. Instead I have been acquiring some knowledge about nutrition and genetics and monsanto ( those fucks don't deserve capital letter ), and although it was quite worrying and all, I feel relief I'm not one of the mindless flock. Awareness is the key to everything.
   Apart of that, I was giving a belly massage to this poor english bulldog I live with. She apparently feels very uncomfortable in her body. She can't scratch her butt as her legs are too short. She can't breathe properly. She's notoriously allergic to something, so she drools, and vomits, and scratches her muzzle til it bleeds. Her nose is dry like desert sand, so she keeps licking it endlessly. Dirt and sweat gathers is her skin folds and has to be removed on daily basis, otherwise it begins to stink. Whenever she drinks or eats or sleeps, there is always some infernal noise following it. When she plays with her squeakie toy it's as if someone was trying to unclog a toilet to no avail. I can't help but pity her. She doesn't have a chance for a natural birth. Most of  puppies in the brood would be prone to illnesses as it is typical for this breed. She's just a bad experiment. And greedy people are to blame.
 
And what's with the slug?!
Well, I'm in the process of making one out of felt. I'm totally in love with those adorable slugs in "Flushed away" cartoon! They are just tooooooo sweet.
Lastly, there is an awesome Barlog, made by Weta on allegro and am scared I'll spend my last penny on it!!
Need someone to stop me!!!!!

Erm...Ok uncle Walken. I won't do it (crossed fingers).

Blast it.

hell-o

28. X. 2011
I think I should start counting so called BAD DAYS and then summarise every month. And see if I'm really at the edge of sanity. What is certain is that I'm completely and utterly lost. But worst of all is DISSAPOINTMENT!! And, Holy Mother Of Fuck I can't help it but remain sorely dissapointed with almost everything and everyone, especially with myself. Those mood sways are killing me.
Yesterday I was at the concert of Tides From Nebula and been having moderately good time with Orlando and some of his friends. Went there for free again as O. won double ticket in radio contest.
And I met with Aga twice already, as she came for few days with her ill behaved daughters and with parents. Received stuff requested. I should be glad, that FINALLY some friendly soul came to rescue me for few days, and maybe even I was glad, for a brief moment but it faded away.
Perhaps the most interesting experience of the day was a meal at the Milk Bar, near Kosciuszko Square. Felt for a moment as I was transferred in time.
And later on it was just getting worse and worse...

Suddenly I got it: I'm addicted to somebody's attention! What a horrible thing to discover!! I wish I was a village mad woman- self-sufficient in every way, outcast surrounded by plants and animals, living away from all I despise and don't understand. Escape is what I need.

And yes, my heart is bleeding, it's torn apart, it's weak. Too much love. Too many expectations. And at the end of a day all what's left is anger.

P.S. Was smacked in a face by a three years old human being. Took it with dignity, but my pressure rose dangerously. Devillish creature!

what is art?

25. X. 2011
Today I will limit my post to the confession of a great artist, someone, who until this day was in my opinion just another spoiled painter deprived of any self-criticism. I could not agree more with his words:
Picasso's Confession


"When I was young, like all the young, art, great art, was my religion; but with the years, I came to see that art, as it was understood until 1800; was henceforth finished, on its last legs, doomed, and that so called artistic activity with all its abundance is only the many formed manifestation of its agony. Men are detached from and more and more disinterested in painting, sculpture and poetry; appearances to the contrary, men today have put their hearts into everything else; the machine, scientific discoveries, wealth, the domination of natural forces and immense territories. We no longer feel art as a vital need, as a spiritual necessity, as was the case in centuries past.

Many of us continue to be artists and to be occupied with art for reasons which have little in common with true art, but rather through a spirit of imitation, through nostalgia for tradition, through mere inertia, through love of ostentation, of prodigality, of intellectual curiosity, through fashion or through calculation. They live still through force of habit and snobbery in a recent past, but the great majority in all places no longer have any sincere passion for art, which they consider at most as a diversion, a hobby and a decoration. Little by little, new generations with a predilection for mechanics and sports, more sincere, more cynical and brutal, will leave art to the museums and libraries as an incomprehensible and useless relic of the past.

From the moment that art is no longer the sustenance that nourishes the best, the artist may exteriorize his talent in all sorts of experiments with new formulas, in endless caprices and fancy, in all the expedients of intellectual charlatanism. In the arts, people no longer seek consolation, nor exaltation. But the refined, the rich, the indolent, distillers of quintessence seek the new, the unusual, the original, the extravagant, the shocking. And I, since cubism and beyond, I have satisfied these gentlemen and these critics with all the various whims which have entered my head, and the less they understood them, the more they admired. By amusing myself at these games, at all these tomfooleries, at all these brain-busters, riddles and arabesques, I became famous quite rapidly. And celebrity means for a painter: sales increment, money, wealth.

Today, as you know, I am famous and very rich. But when completely alone with myself, I haven't the nerve to consider myself an artist in the great and ancient sense of the word. There have been great painters like Giotto, Titian, Rembrandt and Goya. I am only a public entertainer who has understood his time. This is a bitter confession, mine, more painful indeed than it may seem, but it has the merit of being sincere."

Sunday bloody Sunday

23.X.2011
Watched today aged Harrison Ford punching people in their faces and trying not to get heart attack while doing so. "Indiana Jones and the Lost Ark" used to be one of my favourite movies and I think fondly of Mr.Ford, but the newest adventures of fearless archelogist don't make such impression on me. Despite alien crystal skulls, insane special effects and Cate Blanchett whom I adore. Oh, and Ray Winston, who is getting fatter and fatter. He was never particularly slender, even ages ago when he was portraying Will Scarlet at the "Robin of Sherwood" series. And he's such a typical Englishman-red faced and harsh and loud, with bad hair and temper. Still, I have certain sentiment to this man.
Today is Sunday and I hate Sundays! Church going used to be a reason ( I always detested this painful obligation to my Grandparents ) but finally at the age of 16 I refused to be a part of this mindless worshipping once and for all. Then Sunday became just a boring day, with some family meetings. All the best parties and acts of insanity were taking place on Fridays and Saturdays. Sundays appeared interesting during my studies at ASP, where apart from learning (OBVIOUSLY!) the whole lot of us was indulging into more or less alcoholic mischief. Oh these were good days! Certainly best Sundays in my life. But everything must come to an end eventually, and so i got my BA and decided not to push for more. Seriously, who cares if I have a master degree?! Well, I dont.
Found myself abroad, doing things far below my pride, and the toughest tasks were always awaiting on Sundays. Well on Saturdays too, to be perfectly honest. How could I commit almost three years of my precious life to the housekeeping? Must have been out of my mind! Now, on Sundays I'm just bored...YAWN>>>
Throughout last four months I have noticed many unusual things. Like : what an english bulldog has to do with raw carrots?

Well, I don't know if this is just a separate case, but I know one bulldog who is completely insane about this vegetable. I think she would eat it until she'd puke. Everytime I'm about to open the refrigerator, she comes in bouncing and wiggling her pathetic little tail and stuffing her head in search for carrots. If you give her one, she'll demand another shortly after! As far as I know she likes beets and leeks too, but carrot is her favourite. Failed to mention that this poor canine is unable to eat normally-whole floor or whatever she is at at the moment is smeared with drool and covered with countless pieces of vegetable carcass. Kinda understand her love for carrots-especially those freshly picked from my aunts garden-orange, red and white. Yum!

Holy crap, it is getting dark already (17.19)-I seriously hate it. But the worst is coming-soon shall have to change a clock, next week to be precise. What a moronic idea! ! !
Oh, and here is my hat. The more I look at it, the more unperfections I find but it is still possible to fix them, so it's ok.

Still don't know how to shrink AVI file. DviX and Xvid didn't work.

of folk music and vodka

22.X.2011
  Yesterday was having really good time at the concert of "Czeremszyna". Dancing and sweating and feeling happy. For the name of Odin, I needed it! Perhaps I should participate in such events more often as it invigorates me and makes me feel alive. True, it is rather awkward to dance among people wearing checked shirts and fake leather leggins( outfits suitable for an ordinary disco ).

Still, 'tis was GOOD. We looked entirely differently than the rest ( I mean me and Orlando )but it didn't matter. We were jumping like crazy for almost two hours and I spilled some of my beer. After the concert O. had to buy Czeremszyna's cd, as he's a total nutcase about collecting music of all kind.
Today was having some vodka time at aunt Ula's place, as it is her Name Day. Strange and daft it seems to celebrate it. I don't even know if such custom exists in any other country. It is so bloody christian!! Anyhow, had few good laughs despite being surrounded by carnivors. I think vodka and O's presence helped me a lot.
Was talking to a dog. Luna is her name. She ocasionally devours shoes. Was howling and barking and I guess she understood me quite well. Finally I received my late birthday gift-totally awesome book about Vikings. I'm such a cry baby that I shed a tear. It is truly magnificent!
In general I made quite an impression on everybody with my handmade look, and Orlando said I look sweet. Ąnd yeah,  aunt Ula desires such hat as I made for myself, so I shall have to make one for her ...

felt-o-mania

 20. X. 2011
Am sitting now sweating heavily, after a long fruitful day. Been wet felting for hours and basically for my own pleasure. I committed a terrible sin along the way-I ate some ice creams!! Feel not only inner guilt but also gut pains which might simply mean that I don't take any milk or any dairy products anymore. I'm such an idiot-yesterday had exactly same situation and it didn't teach me anything. It isn't so easy to remain strong and follow strictly vegan diet, but I am really trying my best.
Speaking of which:

Hope I shall not have to throw up...PERKELE!
As for felting-decided finally to put myself together and make myself a hat. Isn't perfect, but might be an object of envious looks-photo coming soon. Beside the hat, made a two layer flower which shall adorn my aunt's chest or whatever she wishes to adorn with it. I hope she'll like it ( she has a Name Day tomorrow ) and that she does wear brooches (?!)
Dyed my hair with a usual coloring shampoo and am satisfied with the result. I like red haired women and men, I mean I always give such people a closer look, especially if their color is natural.
Fy faen, I really feel like shit! Wait...and what if it's garlic that got me? Nah, that cannot be so. Garlic is GOOD.Milk is BAD.
 Tomorrow will pay a visit to my aged Grandpa, will do some wood burning ( the cranes remain unfinished ) and then going to a folk concert with Orlando. Surprisingly.
Maybe I'll wear my new, awesome hat? Has to dry first...

new/old me

18.X.2011
Learned a new word recently :PERKELE! Although I find finnish much to complicated to even bother to start studying it, there are certainly some nice examples of amusing vocabulary, such as this. PERKELE!
 Well then, it is time to redesign my life somehow. Am interested in far to many things right now and it is extremely hard to focus on just one. How on Earth could I do this if there is so many tempting ways to express myself? Creation gives meaning to my existence. Which is miserable by the way. As we all at times realize this and try to forget about it ASAP. My thoughts revolve lately around doll making. Truly, I do envy some people they skills and imagination :

 The beauty pictured above was crafted by incredibly talented person (marti presents dolls) and is now in a private collection. Yeah, this is soft/weak/delicate part of me showing off now. Trying to hide it under the shell/armour/shield of cynism and sarcasm. Which are the mightiest weapons in this horrible, horrible times we are living in! I said WE, meaning my generation, but I don't neccessarily identify with it as I'm out of this World and find myself entirely different than most human beings...
  It is getting late now, and again I've waisted a lot of time. Perkele! Thinking of wet felting myself a trillby hat, as I never buy something I can make with my own hands. Weather outside gets chilly and I have to protect my brain from stingy windblows!
Now, going back to wood burning. Shall watch that Robin Hood again, as I like mud and blood mingled together.