18.08.2012
And so Summer comes to and end- as always, too quickly. On the other hand, I can't wait for the beginning of September- finally all those brats screaming all they long behind my window will go back to schools/nurseries/special care homes- you name it. At least we'll have some peace. I swear, this noise make us both so agressive, that they are lucky we don't have any machine gun at hand. Madness...
Now, on Thursday I went to Worthing Homes to meet Ms M.- Polish as myself, slightly smoker sounding over the phone. She was to show me my future tasks and duties. Also, I met Louise, which is for now some kind of a supervisor for me. She has a bubbly personality and like to joke a lot-I think I'll have no problems whatsoever with her in terms of communication and cooperation. She's English and has significant dental lacks, but then again, considering british dental service, especially pricing, I guess it is better to remain teethless. I would definitely go to Poland to fix any such problems- luckily I did before arriving here.
Louise asked after brief chit-chat if I'm British, which probably means I managed to master my accent enough to fool anybody. Anyway- M. showed me everything and I find her very nice as well. At the end of our shift I found out she's also into crafts and so we began to regret that we only just met and almost instanly have to split. She's moving to Swindon-one of her sons got some lucrative job there.
As for a job itself, of course it is kind of boring and a little bit stressful when you enter an office full of people and almost kneel next to their desks in order to empty their bins. Feel like an idiot at this point, but maybe when they all will get to know me, it won't be so awkward. Whole building is like a labirynth to me, I'm sure I'll screw something up when I'll be on my own next week, without M.'s guidance. Louise is going to work with me, but in other parts of the building and doing different tasks. Yesterday I met new staff manager, and he's Polish as well. He had been checking our work and questioned few things but I think he was just showing off a bit. I think he might be younger than me. His english is quite good but he has typical, outrageously Slavic accent. Seem to be a nice guy, but of course, it might be just an illusion. He took me and M. to the nursery at Dominion Road where I'm suppose to work two days a week, mostly late evenings. Building looks like a goddamn shelter on the outside, and interiors are also much to be desired. You can smell the nappies. Awful carpets. And you have to use a code to get yourself keys to the main door and later type in another code to disengage the alarm. I like the backyard though- not because of it's beauty but because of various vegetables being planted there. I wonder if children are interested in it at all.
Met Jeremy- skinny ex-chauffer with yellowish teeth. M. said he's nice but he seems to be a pussy. Hard to tell- there was a significant communication problem as M, doesn't really speak the tongue, so probably she figured it out by simple observation of his behaviour. Jeremy works for the same company as us but in my opinion most men are not destined for cleaning purposes.
In general- I was a bit tired at the end of our shift yesterday, despite it lasted only just a bit over three hours in total. Got to use to the regime of regular work again, haha.
Am thinking really seriously about wedding photography. I can provide professional service for good value. I think it is fairly easy money. I won't do more photos than I estimated myself and definitely won't spend whole day over one picture on Adobe PS. Must rethink it deeply.
Now, I'm off to the beach. Must find some good spot far from the crowd- might be tricky. Will look for driftwood.
of hazard
13.08.2012
Finally sky decided to pour some stuff over the coastline.
Whatta place. I'm not saying it with admiration, mind you! Perhaps I should qoute Michael Palin playing chartered accountant and complaining about his job in the Lion Timer sketch : IT'S DULL,DULL,DULL, MY GOD IT'S DULL, IT'S SO DESPERATELY DULL[...]Yes, it is quite like it here. Surely, some skinny boys with Beatles's haircut would contradict me loudly now, claiming that there is plenty awesome places to go out, and such. Well, the point is I don't need entertaiment of a kind that is widely accepted and appreciated. Not only I don't need it but I detest it.
Now, there is an idea to attend Decapitated concert in Brighton some time in November. Prospect very exciting, especially because of Xerath performing as a support (FUCK YEAH!!!!). The gig will be held in some lame club called Audio, situated at the seafront. Never been there but I know where it is exactly. Normally it attracts some pink shirt, white powder sniffing element, so I'd like to see how this place transforms into a pit of black and symphonic metal hell! However vision of going there on my own is in a way disturbing, but damn it, I can handle this. So as Hastings.
Still don't have any job but it is about to change very soon.
Trying to socialize with boys we're living with and other people too. Playing basketball and pool billard.
Some prospects for mini painting exibition.
Sent my entry for National Artistic Competition.
Most of all though, I can't wait to start my archery course and to see what I'm made of.
I miss...
Finally sky decided to pour some stuff over the coastline.
Whatta place. I'm not saying it with admiration, mind you! Perhaps I should qoute Michael Palin playing chartered accountant and complaining about his job in the Lion Timer sketch : IT'S DULL,DULL,DULL, MY GOD IT'S DULL, IT'S SO DESPERATELY DULL[...]Yes, it is quite like it here. Surely, some skinny boys with Beatles's haircut would contradict me loudly now, claiming that there is plenty awesome places to go out, and such. Well, the point is I don't need entertaiment of a kind that is widely accepted and appreciated. Not only I don't need it but I detest it.
Now, there is an idea to attend Decapitated concert in Brighton some time in November. Prospect very exciting, especially because of Xerath performing as a support (FUCK YEAH!!!!). The gig will be held in some lame club called Audio, situated at the seafront. Never been there but I know where it is exactly. Normally it attracts some pink shirt, white powder sniffing element, so I'd like to see how this place transforms into a pit of black and symphonic metal hell! However vision of going there on my own is in a way disturbing, but damn it, I can handle this. So as Hastings.
Still don't have any job but it is about to change very soon.
Trying to socialize with boys we're living with and other people too. Playing basketball and pool billard.
Some prospects for mini painting exibition.
Sent my entry for National Artistic Competition.
Most of all though, I can't wait to start my archery course and to see what I'm made of.
I miss...
of reflections
26.07.2012
Let me tell you something about England.
As a cynic, sceptic and pesymist, some of my views are most likely distorted, but then again-this is what I am, unfortunately.
Couldn't believe for the past week I'm here. The idiocy of certain things hit me with double force. First thing of course-the infamous British Plumbing. Someone, preferably whole companies dealing with various plumbing problems in this country, should be exterminated, and replaced by those who actually KNOW how all these things work. Am stunned by random pipes sticking out of a enferior walls, fluids dripping from them, causing dampness, disgusting smell and such. I've never seen anything like this ever before.
Number two idiocy shall have to be separate taps for cold and hot water. In order to wash myself, I have to use a mug, to pour water over my body. Any devices which seem to solve this problems are most likely not to work for a longer period of time: I mean all those rubber tubes which are supposed to be attached to each tap, ending with shower head. They fall apart as the rubber tubes easily slip off taps.
Number three moronic idea: carpets in the bathroom. I mean: WHAT THE FUCK!? I don't even want to mention how carpet looks like in the toilet area, because it's too bleedin' digusting.
Number four must be the left side traffic. Why oh why British need to be always different than the rest of the world?!I mean, COME ON!On the other hand it doesn't bother me that much after some time.
Number five: shitfood. Now this is really tricky thing to avoid various kinds of poisons, GMO and such. We only just bought tofu at Morrisons, and to my utter dissapointment I found out it was made in the US!Pity I didn't check it earlier, however I could give it back if I wanted to. Nobody has to convince me that soya of American origin isn't GMO. It is,and them bastards don't even label it.
Bread is a spongy, tastless white pulp.
Now the whole country is crazy about her majesty's Diamond Jubilee and of course the olympics. Monarchs are now only to keep the tradition alive, they only spend tax payers money on throwing posh parties, travels, whippet races, hunting ; also generally trying not to look rediculous on TV.
On the bright side-organic products are avaiable in almost every market. If difference between organic bananas (pack of six) cost 1quid, and normal bananas cost 75pence, then the choice is rather obvious for me. Also:THE CRAFT STORES.Uhm, yes, well certainly well stocked. My Dear Beardless Boy bought me two plastic noses today, for some future toys of my production. We have quite impressive Fabric Store just behind the corner and they have all sorts of cool things over there. Note: all craft stores so far are run by the elderly women.
Am without work so far. Mainly because I'm overly ambitious this time. I want the job that suits me. I want a craft job.
My Dear Beardless Boy, who only just became Beradless due to his employment at Chinese take away, works at impossible hours. But I can call myself a chief reason for his success in seeking employment, as I found advert about this job on Gum Tree. He's satisfied so far. And he gets free meals. An I'm reliefed as at last there is some income.
Last but not least: CHILDREN. I fucking hate them for screaming all day long!Not only they scream, they fucking HOWL and SHRIEK!!Can't stand it. Would toss a hand granade among the lot of them to see what happens. Toss another one if required.
I don'r remember myself to be such a spoiled, noisy brat.
Let me tell you something about England.
As a cynic, sceptic and pesymist, some of my views are most likely distorted, but then again-this is what I am, unfortunately.
Couldn't believe for the past week I'm here. The idiocy of certain things hit me with double force. First thing of course-the infamous British Plumbing. Someone, preferably whole companies dealing with various plumbing problems in this country, should be exterminated, and replaced by those who actually KNOW how all these things work. Am stunned by random pipes sticking out of a enferior walls, fluids dripping from them, causing dampness, disgusting smell and such. I've never seen anything like this ever before.
Number two idiocy shall have to be separate taps for cold and hot water. In order to wash myself, I have to use a mug, to pour water over my body. Any devices which seem to solve this problems are most likely not to work for a longer period of time: I mean all those rubber tubes which are supposed to be attached to each tap, ending with shower head. They fall apart as the rubber tubes easily slip off taps.
Number three moronic idea: carpets in the bathroom. I mean: WHAT THE FUCK!? I don't even want to mention how carpet looks like in the toilet area, because it's too bleedin' digusting.
Number four must be the left side traffic. Why oh why British need to be always different than the rest of the world?!I mean, COME ON!On the other hand it doesn't bother me that much after some time.
Number five: shitfood. Now this is really tricky thing to avoid various kinds of poisons, GMO and such. We only just bought tofu at Morrisons, and to my utter dissapointment I found out it was made in the US!Pity I didn't check it earlier, however I could give it back if I wanted to. Nobody has to convince me that soya of American origin isn't GMO. It is,and them bastards don't even label it.
Bread is a spongy, tastless white pulp.
Now the whole country is crazy about her majesty's Diamond Jubilee and of course the olympics. Monarchs are now only to keep the tradition alive, they only spend tax payers money on throwing posh parties, travels, whippet races, hunting ; also generally trying not to look rediculous on TV.
On the bright side-organic products are avaiable in almost every market. If difference between organic bananas (pack of six) cost 1quid, and normal bananas cost 75pence, then the choice is rather obvious for me. Also:THE CRAFT STORES.Uhm, yes, well certainly well stocked. My Dear Beardless Boy bought me two plastic noses today, for some future toys of my production. We have quite impressive Fabric Store just behind the corner and they have all sorts of cool things over there. Note: all craft stores so far are run by the elderly women.
Am without work so far. Mainly because I'm overly ambitious this time. I want the job that suits me. I want a craft job.
My Dear Beardless Boy, who only just became Beradless due to his employment at Chinese take away, works at impossible hours. But I can call myself a chief reason for his success in seeking employment, as I found advert about this job on Gum Tree. He's satisfied so far. And he gets free meals. An I'm reliefed as at last there is some income.
Last but not least: CHILDREN. I fucking hate them for screaming all day long!Not only they scream, they fucking HOWL and SHRIEK!!Can't stand it. Would toss a hand granade among the lot of them to see what happens. Toss another one if required.
I don'r remember myself to be such a spoiled, noisy brat.
of day zero
13.07.2012
Here it is. Day zero. I should sleep by now, but can't. In about six hours time I'll be on my (paiful) way to United Kingdom. I guess I forgot much about travels like these.
I cried quite a lot today. I might not see my Grandparents ever again, as every day of life is like a miracle for them. Well, to be precise, rather hell-especially for Grandma.
I hope I sorted some things out.
I'm not superstitious, but damn, feel slightly unconfortable with this "friday the thirteen" thing. But I chose this date myself.
This is all heart breaking. How many times do I have to make decisions like these?!
Parting with O. left me smeared with tears and snot. ARGH!
I'm seriously fed up. But then- maybe I could do something to change my miserable, pesymistic existence, bring people together, make things happen.
And there are warm hands of my Boy awaiting me, and his good eyes and his love.
Have to go now.
Here it is. Day zero. I should sleep by now, but can't. In about six hours time I'll be on my (paiful) way to United Kingdom. I guess I forgot much about travels like these.
I cried quite a lot today. I might not see my Grandparents ever again, as every day of life is like a miracle for them. Well, to be precise, rather hell-especially for Grandma.
I hope I sorted some things out.
I'm not superstitious, but damn, feel slightly unconfortable with this "friday the thirteen" thing. But I chose this date myself.
This is all heart breaking. How many times do I have to make decisions like these?!
Parting with O. left me smeared with tears and snot. ARGH!
I'm seriously fed up. But then- maybe I could do something to change my miserable, pesymistic existence, bring people together, make things happen.
And there are warm hands of my Boy awaiting me, and his good eyes and his love.
Have to go now.
of anger
01.07.2012
FUCK!!!
FUCK!!!!!!
FUUUCK!!!!!
Now I'm in a deep ass. Did not expect (or maybe did have a hunch that it might be a problem) that my dear grandparents- hope they burn in hell - might make such a big fucking deal about two innocent chinches in the house. My Mom's mistake, that she haven't mention about my planned chinch transfer, a tad earlier. I will never, EVER understand those people. Instead of helping somebody, they always try to make someone's life a little bit harder, a little bit more sour.
So now the big question is: WHAT THE FUCK SHOULD I DO???????????????
At this point I don't even want to go to 3city, if I have to face those two old farts. But then-I have no choice, I must see my Mum. If I wasn't a total looser, I would rescue her from this house of madness years ago.
I'm annoyed with everybody now. Even with myself! I hereby swear to not own any animal until the day I move into a place I would call home.
GAWD!! I'M SO PISSED!
Aunt discovered today that chinches made some damage to the wooden furniture, when they escaped about month ago. She doesn't know yet about other damages though, don't know if she'll take it so lightly. Sigh...
I still didn't tell her about my problem, and for some reason am very reluctant to do so.
GAWD!! I'M SOO PISSED!!
I feel so sorry for my two boys, but I have no choice but to give them away. And virtually no time for it. And what if they land in some awful place?!
FUCK!!!
FUCK!!!!!!
FUUUCK!!!!!
Now I'm in a deep ass. Did not expect (or maybe did have a hunch that it might be a problem) that my dear grandparents- hope they burn in hell - might make such a big fucking deal about two innocent chinches in the house. My Mom's mistake, that she haven't mention about my planned chinch transfer, a tad earlier. I will never, EVER understand those people. Instead of helping somebody, they always try to make someone's life a little bit harder, a little bit more sour.
So now the big question is: WHAT THE FUCK SHOULD I DO???????????????
At this point I don't even want to go to 3city, if I have to face those two old farts. But then-I have no choice, I must see my Mum. If I wasn't a total looser, I would rescue her from this house of madness years ago.
I'm annoyed with everybody now. Even with myself! I hereby swear to not own any animal until the day I move into a place I would call home.
GAWD!! I'M SO PISSED!
Aunt discovered today that chinches made some damage to the wooden furniture, when they escaped about month ago. She doesn't know yet about other damages though, don't know if she'll take it so lightly. Sigh...
I still didn't tell her about my problem, and for some reason am very reluctant to do so.
GAWD!! I'M SOO PISSED!!
I feel so sorry for my two boys, but I have no choice but to give them away. And virtually no time for it. And what if they land in some awful place?!
of cage and other worries
29.06.2012
City of Białystok full of young people in neat outfits, proper for the end of school year. In the evening they are sporting newest trends in fashion and buying lots of beer and chips and other stuff. They sit on the pavement and smoke cigarettes in attempt to look like those chic ladies or bad boys from classical movies. They scream a lot and laugh. They constantly try to impress everybody. They pretend to be relaxed and carefree. Weekend begins.
*
Was at the dentist today and suffered and sweated a bit. I hate this stuff that is suppose to remove eccesss saliva, it always sucks on my tongue or a gum. Had some tartar removed with really terribly sounding and pointy device which was suppose to work on ultrasounds basis.
Am racking my brain over the cage problem, If I'd known, how many problems it'll cause to have two chinches in the house, I would probably refrain from having any. But then again- I didn't really expect to move around so much, let alone going abroad again. It appears that sending the cage will cost me dearly. Goddamn it. I'd prefer to spend money on something more interesting than that. I wonder how shall I solve this problem.
O. has a cunning plan to take Grandpa to 3city next weekend to see his only surviving friend (Grandpa's-not O.'s). So we could meet up, hang around a bit, O. would see my Mum after twenty years and perhaps impress my other Grandpa, who's particularly fond of everybody who's an engineer like himself. And of course, we could go back to Biały together. Not a bad idea.
All my paintings are finally framed, and most of them signed on the back. Bought outrageously expensive picture hangers (0.9zł each!!) and fixed them in.
14 days. Two weeks, that is. Am thrilled but simultaneously saddened.
City of Białystok full of young people in neat outfits, proper for the end of school year. In the evening they are sporting newest trends in fashion and buying lots of beer and chips and other stuff. They sit on the pavement and smoke cigarettes in attempt to look like those chic ladies or bad boys from classical movies. They scream a lot and laugh. They constantly try to impress everybody. They pretend to be relaxed and carefree. Weekend begins.
*
Was at the dentist today and suffered and sweated a bit. I hate this stuff that is suppose to remove eccesss saliva, it always sucks on my tongue or a gum. Had some tartar removed with really terribly sounding and pointy device which was suppose to work on ultrasounds basis.
Am racking my brain over the cage problem, If I'd known, how many problems it'll cause to have two chinches in the house, I would probably refrain from having any. But then again- I didn't really expect to move around so much, let alone going abroad again. It appears that sending the cage will cost me dearly. Goddamn it. I'd prefer to spend money on something more interesting than that. I wonder how shall I solve this problem.
O. has a cunning plan to take Grandpa to 3city next weekend to see his only surviving friend (Grandpa's-not O.'s). So we could meet up, hang around a bit, O. would see my Mum after twenty years and perhaps impress my other Grandpa, who's particularly fond of everybody who's an engineer like himself. And of course, we could go back to Biały together. Not a bad idea.
All my paintings are finally framed, and most of them signed on the back. Bought outrageously expensive picture hangers (0.9zł each!!) and fixed them in.
14 days. Two weeks, that is. Am thrilled but simultaneously saddened.
of trip to Białowieża
27.06.2012
31st birthday of my Dear Deceased Brother. We should be spending money on beer instead of new hearths, as You should be among us.
Went to Białowieża yesterday, and the experience in the woods wasn't as intense as in Knyszyńska forest. A lot of oaks though, and there is much darker among these trees. Also, I felt very strong presence of animals, however didn't see any, except for a Lesser Spotted Eagle. Flew away before I managed to get my Canon at the ready. This time I took my pocket sized binoculars, so we could observe a female deer from a distance. Such a beautiful creature. Will never understand sick urge for hunting. All who enjoy it are psychos, maybe except for those who actually kill animals to feed upon them, however eating meat is in my opinion quite nasty and totally unacceptable. Still, rather cowardly approach-try to kill a wild boar with a spear or something instead of shooting it from the comfortable spot, somewhere above the ground, with rifle with field glass.
Now, the museum. As I remember it, it was a small building, with rather not too extravagant inferior nor exterior. Remember stuffed horse and a european bison and all. Remember as my parents bought me two stamps at the souvenir shop-one with otter, the other one with common eider. Still got them somewhere.
When I saw it after twenty years I gasped with horror. Now it is huge, supposedly modern building, with restaurant and such, with some gigantic tower on top. We looked at the ticket prices and I thought someone lost his fucking mind- there was even a separate price for taking pictures. Obviously their taxidermy display is more valuable than the greatest of paintings on this earth. Left.
Białowieża is now very focused on making money, so almost everywhere you can find a room for rent, even a whole house if you wish, not to mention hotels with names which must have something to do with bison. A lot of tacky souvenirs which sometimes have absolutely nothing to do with this place. Of course countless, tacky, bison-themed items, probably made in China. And wooden axes and bows for children to please their inner urge for causing each other pain and distress.
Saw Tsar's Restaurant in former railway building. Wasn't really interesting (especially if one knows it belongs to Magda Gessler-and I think she thinks she's next Gordon Ramsey, only I don't think he ever compared vegetarians to "poor weirdos") but the surroundings are nice, especially old train, which remebers Tsar's visits at this region.
Overall, it was a good day, despite rain. Managed to sneak to the bison reserve without paying for parking or entrance- we pretended to be part of german group. Scared the shit out of two naughty boys in the town. Got into few old houses-one of them formely belonged to O.'s great grandmother (his father's side). It is partly empty now, and if someone was ever to dwell in it, should put a great deal of work to make it habitable. Pity it was given away, should have stayed in the family.
Finally we got to the heritage park, and I saw my dreamhouse. Couldn't get enough of this sight. I felt this would be a perfect home for each of us. O. would also be pleased to leave in such a house. We left this place with sadness, as we feel this is unlikely we ever make such dream come true. It's tearing me apart!!
We were farewelled by a black dog and a then sudden rain.
31st birthday of my Dear Deceased Brother. We should be spending money on beer instead of new hearths, as You should be among us.
Went to Białowieża yesterday, and the experience in the woods wasn't as intense as in Knyszyńska forest. A lot of oaks though, and there is much darker among these trees. Also, I felt very strong presence of animals, however didn't see any, except for a Lesser Spotted Eagle. Flew away before I managed to get my Canon at the ready. This time I took my pocket sized binoculars, so we could observe a female deer from a distance. Such a beautiful creature. Will never understand sick urge for hunting. All who enjoy it are psychos, maybe except for those who actually kill animals to feed upon them, however eating meat is in my opinion quite nasty and totally unacceptable. Still, rather cowardly approach-try to kill a wild boar with a spear or something instead of shooting it from the comfortable spot, somewhere above the ground, with rifle with field glass.
Now, the museum. As I remember it, it was a small building, with rather not too extravagant inferior nor exterior. Remember stuffed horse and a european bison and all. Remember as my parents bought me two stamps at the souvenir shop-one with otter, the other one with common eider. Still got them somewhere.
When I saw it after twenty years I gasped with horror. Now it is huge, supposedly modern building, with restaurant and such, with some gigantic tower on top. We looked at the ticket prices and I thought someone lost his fucking mind- there was even a separate price for taking pictures. Obviously their taxidermy display is more valuable than the greatest of paintings on this earth. Left.
Białowieża is now very focused on making money, so almost everywhere you can find a room for rent, even a whole house if you wish, not to mention hotels with names which must have something to do with bison. A lot of tacky souvenirs which sometimes have absolutely nothing to do with this place. Of course countless, tacky, bison-themed items, probably made in China. And wooden axes and bows for children to please their inner urge for causing each other pain and distress.
Saw Tsar's Restaurant in former railway building. Wasn't really interesting (especially if one knows it belongs to Magda Gessler-and I think she thinks she's next Gordon Ramsey, only I don't think he ever compared vegetarians to "poor weirdos") but the surroundings are nice, especially old train, which remebers Tsar's visits at this region.
Overall, it was a good day, despite rain. Managed to sneak to the bison reserve without paying for parking or entrance- we pretended to be part of german group. Scared the shit out of two naughty boys in the town. Got into few old houses-one of them formely belonged to O.'s great grandmother (his father's side). It is partly empty now, and if someone was ever to dwell in it, should put a great deal of work to make it habitable. Pity it was given away, should have stayed in the family.
Finally we got to the heritage park, and I saw my dreamhouse. Couldn't get enough of this sight. I felt this would be a perfect home for each of us. O. would also be pleased to leave in such a house. We left this place with sadness, as we feel this is unlikely we ever make such dream come true. It's tearing me apart!!
We were farewelled by a black dog and a then sudden rain.
of a day in paradise
23.06.2012
I always expect, that on the 23th of a month something unusual and interesting will occur. Since I was a teenager I believed that 23 is my lucky number, probably because it was lucky for Michael Jordan, and I was his greatest fan then. Ok, truth was he was/is just a splendid basketball player, he has a gift and no number has anything to do with it. Still, I began to associate 23 with some magic qualities-for example, I have noticed that whenever I look somewhere, this number is in sight. Be it house number, license plate, some random doodle on the wall, computer clock which shows precisely 23:23. At some point it was even alarming. Now I rarely see it, and I don'l look for it. I watched "Number 23" with Jim Carrey some time ago to remind myself why I don't like this movie, but I can somewhat understand obsession of a main character.
So, I did expect something amazing today, but it didn't happen. Amazing thing happened yesterday instead-a trip to one of the most interesting woods in the country. O. picked me around 11, and along with Grandpa we set off for a adventure. Of course we didn't take Grandpa for a walk in the woods, because he's too wobbly, only left him with O.'s folks. Great weather: drizzle, about 20C, no wind and virtually no mosquitos, cloudy sky. Silence. Picking wild strawberries. Birds singing, very delicate rustle of trees, ocasionally twigs cracking under our feet. Almost no conversations between us. No people. No distant sound of cars or trucks or trains. Thor allmighty, this was GOOD. Animal tracks. Clear stream water. We were walking without plan nor real sense of direction. If it wasn't for Grandpa, who eventually should get home at decent hour, and dinner awaiting, we would probably stay there until nightfall. And there are wolves in these woods, and much more. We found a nest of Lesser Spotted Eagle up, up on the pine tree-couldn't see him, but heard him allright. It was a chick-no doubt. We'd been waiting for his parents to come back, but they didn't show up. O. says they are nesting at the same area every year. We found three feathers.
I particularly liked tiny drops of drizzle settling on my face. Felt a bit like somewhere in the mountains, or outskirts of Bergen as I remember it. When we came back to the wooden house where aunt and uncle were spending their holidays, we ate our dinners talked and took some more silly pictures. Played badminton and my whole arm feelss somewhat painful because of it. We took Grandpa home, and I was surprised to find out that my frames are ready!AND I'm ending this thing cheap because instead of proper payment for them I can give away one of my paintings-the first one I made actually, with Eurasian Eagle Owl with hedgehog in his claws. Oh, well.
Spent some time at O.'s pretending to be interested in football match between Greece and Germany (Germany kicked ass hard), and shortly before 23 took my bike and set off home.
If weather allows on tuesday we'll go to even greater woods- to Puszcza Białowieska. Time is running.
20 days.
Watched "Hobo with a shotgun" today, and I must say it HAD potential but was literally killed by bad acting. I am not talking about Mr.Rutger Hauer, because he certainly was the only one there doing his job. Rest of characters were so exagerrated, that it was painful to watch. A lot of gore, by the way, which doesn't bother me.
Some wild strawberries picking again-this time near the house. Discovered whole new strawberry field, of which even aunt was unaware. YUM!
I always expect, that on the 23th of a month something unusual and interesting will occur. Since I was a teenager I believed that 23 is my lucky number, probably because it was lucky for Michael Jordan, and I was his greatest fan then. Ok, truth was he was/is just a splendid basketball player, he has a gift and no number has anything to do with it. Still, I began to associate 23 with some magic qualities-for example, I have noticed that whenever I look somewhere, this number is in sight. Be it house number, license plate, some random doodle on the wall, computer clock which shows precisely 23:23. At some point it was even alarming. Now I rarely see it, and I don'l look for it. I watched "Number 23" with Jim Carrey some time ago to remind myself why I don't like this movie, but I can somewhat understand obsession of a main character.
So, I did expect something amazing today, but it didn't happen. Amazing thing happened yesterday instead-a trip to one of the most interesting woods in the country. O. picked me around 11, and along with Grandpa we set off for a adventure. Of course we didn't take Grandpa for a walk in the woods, because he's too wobbly, only left him with O.'s folks. Great weather: drizzle, about 20C, no wind and virtually no mosquitos, cloudy sky. Silence. Picking wild strawberries. Birds singing, very delicate rustle of trees, ocasionally twigs cracking under our feet. Almost no conversations between us. No people. No distant sound of cars or trucks or trains. Thor allmighty, this was GOOD. Animal tracks. Clear stream water. We were walking without plan nor real sense of direction. If it wasn't for Grandpa, who eventually should get home at decent hour, and dinner awaiting, we would probably stay there until nightfall. And there are wolves in these woods, and much more. We found a nest of Lesser Spotted Eagle up, up on the pine tree-couldn't see him, but heard him allright. It was a chick-no doubt. We'd been waiting for his parents to come back, but they didn't show up. O. says they are nesting at the same area every year. We found three feathers.
I particularly liked tiny drops of drizzle settling on my face. Felt a bit like somewhere in the mountains, or outskirts of Bergen as I remember it. When we came back to the wooden house where aunt and uncle were spending their holidays, we ate our dinners talked and took some more silly pictures. Played badminton and my whole arm feelss somewhat painful because of it. We took Grandpa home, and I was surprised to find out that my frames are ready!AND I'm ending this thing cheap because instead of proper payment for them I can give away one of my paintings-the first one I made actually, with Eurasian Eagle Owl with hedgehog in his claws. Oh, well.
Spent some time at O.'s pretending to be interested in football match between Greece and Germany (Germany kicked ass hard), and shortly before 23 took my bike and set off home.
If weather allows on tuesday we'll go to even greater woods- to Puszcza Białowieska. Time is running.
20 days.
Watched "Hobo with a shotgun" today, and I must say it HAD potential but was literally killed by bad acting. I am not talking about Mr.Rutger Hauer, because he certainly was the only one there doing his job. Rest of characters were so exagerrated, that it was painful to watch. A lot of gore, by the way, which doesn't bother me.
Some wild strawberries picking again-this time near the house. Discovered whole new strawberry field, of which even aunt was unaware. YUM!
of multiplication
21.06.2012
Must share it till it is fresh in my mind.
There are at least three new beings on their way to this world. Which leads me to the conclusion that I really am different than most of people when it comes to approach to life. There is no regret in me that I've chosen less popular path, however I do feel something of an unease, a strange urge to pity others for their naive expectations. They think that all the horror and pain of life will avoid them and their children just because they deserve it. I cannot criticise someone who's already pregnant, and I have no right to manipulate or interfere into someone's life choices. But it makes me wanna scream: WHY? WHY? Don't you see life is pointless? I would give anything for not being born. And yet, we never have any choice, it just happens. And as soon as we die, the memory of our existence vanishes slowly but surely, until not a trace is being left. Unless you're Marylin Monroe. Or Walt Disney. Then perhaps you may exist for many decades in people's imagination.
I begin to wonder if I'm not obsessed with condition of my health .
Conversations with O. today didn't lift my spirits neither, he too doesn't see much of a sense in his life. And his relationship is falling apart even though he doesn't see it yet. Not only I cannot save him, but I can't save anybody I care about, even me.
*
Started new pyrography-the hawk.
Frames for my paintings have been ordered.
My tooth is killing me.
Got my tax return.
Heavy rain.
Hope to see some proper forest within a week.
I need a juicer.
Technically :22 days to go.
I feel:
Must share it till it is fresh in my mind.
There are at least three new beings on their way to this world. Which leads me to the conclusion that I really am different than most of people when it comes to approach to life. There is no regret in me that I've chosen less popular path, however I do feel something of an unease, a strange urge to pity others for their naive expectations. They think that all the horror and pain of life will avoid them and their children just because they deserve it. I cannot criticise someone who's already pregnant, and I have no right to manipulate or interfere into someone's life choices. But it makes me wanna scream: WHY? WHY? Don't you see life is pointless? I would give anything for not being born. And yet, we never have any choice, it just happens. And as soon as we die, the memory of our existence vanishes slowly but surely, until not a trace is being left. Unless you're Marylin Monroe. Or Walt Disney. Then perhaps you may exist for many decades in people's imagination.
I begin to wonder if I'm not obsessed with condition of my health .
Conversations with O. today didn't lift my spirits neither, he too doesn't see much of a sense in his life. And his relationship is falling apart even though he doesn't see it yet. Not only I cannot save him, but I can't save anybody I care about, even me.
*
Started new pyrography-the hawk.
Frames for my paintings have been ordered.
My tooth is killing me.
Got my tax return.
Heavy rain.
Hope to see some proper forest within a week.
I need a juicer.
Technically :22 days to go.
I feel:
of small steps towards change
19.06.2012
Well, then. I suppose I should start counting days, so here is the number: 24.
Tomorrow is the longest day in the year and soon it'll begin to shorten again. The very thought makes me feel uneasy. Threfore I should spend this day somewhere away from the city but it'll be unlikely so. Maybe some other time I'll celebrate it properly, with fire and dancing and such.
Generally am drifting through each and every passing day without any impessive achievements. At this point, even getting out of bed before eleven, might be considered as one. I do some cycling though, and I think I'll be in dire need of a bike when I finally join my Boy. There is some enthusiasm in me, when I think about leaving this place, but than again, I know that with time it'll diminish. It depends greatly upon my work, and plans for the future. Of course, assuming, that there WILL BE some future, not gianormous apocalypse. If so, still got about six months to enjoy ourselves. Sometimes I think that it would be marvellous if we were all blown to smithereens, or sunk or whatever, as humankind deserves to be punished by Nature, for it's impudence and stupidity beyond measure.
More likely though, it'll be a process of economical collapse, which already started and begins to consume one country after another. To such thing we can prepare ourselves. Building a smallhold, self-sufficient by all means-it isn't that hard after all, however it requires some nerves to battle beurocracy. It can be done as various examples show. I am ready to live in a hobbit hole.
With each passing year my disdain for people and what surrounds me, strengthen. And I do not expect to feel much better in U.K., as a matter of fact my misantrophy may worsen. I don't want to generalise, but it is plainly visible, that in England education became less important and the overall standard of schooling is much to be desired. Youngsters don't read books. They finish their education in their teens and become cheap labour, and after some time they turn into adults without priorities, spending all they money on binge drinking, drugs and items of general desire. And then they REPLICATE and live off benefits. Sometimes, they breed even earlier, which is a visible sign, that parents don't talk to children about such vital things as sex.
Where is the spirit of England? Where is this empire, which used to shape the history of the World?
I wonder, will I ever find place to call home?
Well, then. I suppose I should start counting days, so here is the number: 24.
Tomorrow is the longest day in the year and soon it'll begin to shorten again. The very thought makes me feel uneasy. Threfore I should spend this day somewhere away from the city but it'll be unlikely so. Maybe some other time I'll celebrate it properly, with fire and dancing and such.
Generally am drifting through each and every passing day without any impessive achievements. At this point, even getting out of bed before eleven, might be considered as one. I do some cycling though, and I think I'll be in dire need of a bike when I finally join my Boy. There is some enthusiasm in me, when I think about leaving this place, but than again, I know that with time it'll diminish. It depends greatly upon my work, and plans for the future. Of course, assuming, that there WILL BE some future, not gianormous apocalypse. If so, still got about six months to enjoy ourselves. Sometimes I think that it would be marvellous if we were all blown to smithereens, or sunk or whatever, as humankind deserves to be punished by Nature, for it's impudence and stupidity beyond measure.
More likely though, it'll be a process of economical collapse, which already started and begins to consume one country after another. To such thing we can prepare ourselves. Building a smallhold, self-sufficient by all means-it isn't that hard after all, however it requires some nerves to battle beurocracy. It can be done as various examples show. I am ready to live in a hobbit hole.
With each passing year my disdain for people and what surrounds me, strengthen. And I do not expect to feel much better in U.K., as a matter of fact my misantrophy may worsen. I don't want to generalise, but it is plainly visible, that in England education became less important and the overall standard of schooling is much to be desired. Youngsters don't read books. They finish their education in their teens and become cheap labour, and after some time they turn into adults without priorities, spending all they money on binge drinking, drugs and items of general desire. And then they REPLICATE and live off benefits. Sometimes, they breed even earlier, which is a visible sign, that parents don't talk to children about such vital things as sex.
Where is the spirit of England? Where is this empire, which used to shape the history of the World?
I wonder, will I ever find place to call home?
of anxiety
17.05.2012
Ok, so I failed again. I can't focus on proper blogging it seems. My diary lays untouched either. Sometimes I think it doesn't matter really if I try to remember random situations from my life. No breakthroughs, no unexpected ups. I do pop into some wanker every now and then- two in a period of one month so far. I keep on making polymer stuff and getting better in it. Painting...uhm, well I lost my heart for the whole exhibition thing. Should push it forward but...have no encouragement from within. Have some prospects for my Wolin photo series, hope it'll work out, and if so, there'll be a good starting point for making serious photo documentation for medieval events in UK.
I think of England, the prospect is drawing near.
There is no particular joy about it, except I'll be with my Dear Boy at last. We should never have split for more than few days. One must embrace what one has.
Have a lot of plans: archery, Sussex Guild, attending as many medieval events as possible during the year, some drumming and singing, maybe some horse riding too. Everything seems to be a tad too late. I should have done it years ago...
Watching Game of Thrones, listening to Paradise Lost, Ulver and such.
Copying Grandpas memoirs on my PC which is rather tedious job as my dear Grandpa isn't a great writer. Sometimes can't refrain myself from changes to the syntax, minimising endless repetitions and fill up whole text with necessary punctuation. Which makes entire process quite time consuming. It must be done though, as nobody in this family has as much time on one's hands as I have.
Also, reading those memoirs does make me realise how different are times that we're living in. I'd really love to see all those pathetic cockfaces who nowadays complain about their 8hour work in front of the computer as they go to war, aged 17 or 19. To see as they work they hands to the bone to get a scrap of food since early childhood. How they wear one set of clothes for months and stuff their shoes with old newspapers and such. And they fear for their life as the enemy armies march through their country, burning killing and raping as they go. I'd like to see all those spoiled bitches with full makeup, fancy clothing and long, fake nails as they dig in the living soil to find a rotten potato to fill their bellies. As they mother a flock of children, which came to them year after year, and as they struggle to survive each passing day. No place for being pretty, sexy, trendy, rich and desired. You could be desired by a bunch of dirty soldiers and then live with the burden of filthy memories or be killed shortly after every one of them scums satisfied themselves with your body. That's war. It is happening now, somewhere. And it's been happening then, when my Grandpa was merely a teenager. Constant struggle to survive, to BE someone.
Spring is in a full move. Air smells of lillies of the valley and lilacs, every now and then some apteryx falls out of the nest and gets killed by chilly night air, cat or simply dies of starvation. The rains are heavy.
Am thinking of leaving this place.
O. said yesterday : "Don't leave. I'll be sad without you" which did touch my hear, as it was unexpected.
Speaking of O.-have some pretty awesome bruises on my both arms, and my thumb seemed to by relocated but it is fine now. So much for the brotherly love.
I AM WEIRD. I always liked to wrestle a bit.
Ach, and here's Dante and Hel (those two characters are not connected in any way) :
Ok, so I failed again. I can't focus on proper blogging it seems. My diary lays untouched either. Sometimes I think it doesn't matter really if I try to remember random situations from my life. No breakthroughs, no unexpected ups. I do pop into some wanker every now and then- two in a period of one month so far. I keep on making polymer stuff and getting better in it. Painting...uhm, well I lost my heart for the whole exhibition thing. Should push it forward but...have no encouragement from within. Have some prospects for my Wolin photo series, hope it'll work out, and if so, there'll be a good starting point for making serious photo documentation for medieval events in UK.
I think of England, the prospect is drawing near.
There is no particular joy about it, except I'll be with my Dear Boy at last. We should never have split for more than few days. One must embrace what one has.
Have a lot of plans: archery, Sussex Guild, attending as many medieval events as possible during the year, some drumming and singing, maybe some horse riding too. Everything seems to be a tad too late. I should have done it years ago...
Watching Game of Thrones, listening to Paradise Lost, Ulver and such.
Copying Grandpas memoirs on my PC which is rather tedious job as my dear Grandpa isn't a great writer. Sometimes can't refrain myself from changes to the syntax, minimising endless repetitions and fill up whole text with necessary punctuation. Which makes entire process quite time consuming. It must be done though, as nobody in this family has as much time on one's hands as I have.
Also, reading those memoirs does make me realise how different are times that we're living in. I'd really love to see all those pathetic cockfaces who nowadays complain about their 8hour work in front of the computer as they go to war, aged 17 or 19. To see as they work they hands to the bone to get a scrap of food since early childhood. How they wear one set of clothes for months and stuff their shoes with old newspapers and such. And they fear for their life as the enemy armies march through their country, burning killing and raping as they go. I'd like to see all those spoiled bitches with full makeup, fancy clothing and long, fake nails as they dig in the living soil to find a rotten potato to fill their bellies. As they mother a flock of children, which came to them year after year, and as they struggle to survive each passing day. No place for being pretty, sexy, trendy, rich and desired. You could be desired by a bunch of dirty soldiers and then live with the burden of filthy memories or be killed shortly after every one of them scums satisfied themselves with your body. That's war. It is happening now, somewhere. And it's been happening then, when my Grandpa was merely a teenager. Constant struggle to survive, to BE someone.
Spring is in a full move. Air smells of lillies of the valley and lilacs, every now and then some apteryx falls out of the nest and gets killed by chilly night air, cat or simply dies of starvation. The rains are heavy.
Am thinking of leaving this place.
O. said yesterday : "Don't leave. I'll be sad without you" which did touch my hear, as it was unexpected.
Speaking of O.-have some pretty awesome bruises on my both arms, and my thumb seemed to by relocated but it is fine now. So much for the brotherly love.
I AM WEIRD. I always liked to wrestle a bit.
Ach, and here's Dante and Hel (those two characters are not connected in any way) :
of heat
27.04.2012
Remember one particularly hot April, few years back, goddamn, maybe even it was a decade ago-I sunburned my back.
Some bloke on the radio said yesterday in the radio, that we should expect maximum 23C during the day. Well, when I looked last time it was 26C in da shade. I let the day slip away. Finally read some book, and was sunbathing and smoking foreign cigarettes. I begin to dislike smoking. Why on Earth I still keep on doing it? Bleah...
The awkward time approaches. Last year, this time, I was in the state of utter confusion and was gnawed on by contrary feelings. Also I was shaken as hell. I wonder if he remembers. Anything.
I have not much of a hope for Norway as I mentioned before, and the prospect of going to the Isles is ever more clear. Perhaps this is for good. Certainly it will be a positive thing for me and my dear Boy, as being apart must eventually take it's toll. So I'll try again to like the land of kings and queens. Maybe there are some new possibilities ahead of me, maybe I have there greater chance to pursuit my artistic "career". I would never suspect, not even in the wildest dreams, that I shall wander that much in life...
Sometimes I imagine what I could do, except for rather inevitable work at flower shop...I'd paint and sculpt and woodburn stuff. Maybe even do some wedding from time to time. Buy myself a longbow at last. And a bodhram. Sign up with some archery club. Go to Hastings. Have a lot of plants in the pots at home. Eat superfoods. Buy land.
Remember one particularly hot April, few years back, goddamn, maybe even it was a decade ago-I sunburned my back.
Some bloke on the radio said yesterday in the radio, that we should expect maximum 23C during the day. Well, when I looked last time it was 26C in da shade. I let the day slip away. Finally read some book, and was sunbathing and smoking foreign cigarettes. I begin to dislike smoking. Why on Earth I still keep on doing it? Bleah...
The awkward time approaches. Last year, this time, I was in the state of utter confusion and was gnawed on by contrary feelings. Also I was shaken as hell. I wonder if he remembers. Anything.
I have not much of a hope for Norway as I mentioned before, and the prospect of going to the Isles is ever more clear. Perhaps this is for good. Certainly it will be a positive thing for me and my dear Boy, as being apart must eventually take it's toll. So I'll try again to like the land of kings and queens. Maybe there are some new possibilities ahead of me, maybe I have there greater chance to pursuit my artistic "career". I would never suspect, not even in the wildest dreams, that I shall wander that much in life...
Sometimes I imagine what I could do, except for rather inevitable work at flower shop...I'd paint and sculpt and woodburn stuff. Maybe even do some wedding from time to time. Buy myself a longbow at last. And a bodhram. Sign up with some archery club. Go to Hastings. Have a lot of plants in the pots at home. Eat superfoods. Buy land.
of perverts and collisions
18-19.04.2012
I wonder where will I be at summer time. Norway plans are still but writings on the water. For some reason I'm very sceptical-actually don't believe in success. Everything is about to unfold soon.
Days are passing by, so as creature's lifes. One of our dogs-Pamela-ceased to be( well, technically was put to sleep) as she developed some nasty, tick-related illness.Couldn't eat, drink or move. It's scary sometimes how things quickly change. She was 17 though, so at least she lived quite long and was happy.
On monday, while waiting for a last bus, completely alone, as all people seemed to vanish, I saw a shadow of a man. Didn't pay much attention to it, and remain standing next to news stand kiosk. Some few minutes later, when I turned around I saw something moving, just a meter away, and dissapearing behind kiosk's wall. WTF?-I thought and walked away closer to the street. When I turned around I saw a man, hiding in the shadow, looking at me and jerking off. Goddamn, what the hell is wrong with this bus stop?!People stab each other here or wank. Seriously have to start using another one. Besides, how pathethically sad or sick you have to be to masturbate in public? I gave him a long look. Most of my experiences with pervs are connected with Białystok-this is peculiar...
Went with O. for electromagnetic field measurements-first time this spring. Sunny but windy day at Grodzisk. When we were trying to reverse on the small, local parking plot we bumped into another van. And so we wasted it's bumper a little bit. First thought: LET'S GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!That would be very stupid, haha. Still, the owner of the other car happen to just emerge out of nearby shop, so we had to do the paper work which took an hour, take some photos and all. The hour was late when we began measurements. I took a short walk through the village and photographed few buildings. Ate something. Sat in the car and watched as garbage guys empty plastic and glass containers into ONE compartment. Recycling, my ass. What is the point?!On our way back we drove through some small villages with interesting wooden architecture.
Am not very creative as of late. Some small pyrographic work. Still painting birds for an exibition.O. obviously isn't in a hurry as Odin and Goblin are still unfinished.This pisses me off.
I wonder where will I be at summer time. Norway plans are still but writings on the water. For some reason I'm very sceptical-actually don't believe in success. Everything is about to unfold soon.
Days are passing by, so as creature's lifes. One of our dogs-Pamela-ceased to be( well, technically was put to sleep) as she developed some nasty, tick-related illness.Couldn't eat, drink or move. It's scary sometimes how things quickly change. She was 17 though, so at least she lived quite long and was happy.
On monday, while waiting for a last bus, completely alone, as all people seemed to vanish, I saw a shadow of a man. Didn't pay much attention to it, and remain standing next to news stand kiosk. Some few minutes later, when I turned around I saw something moving, just a meter away, and dissapearing behind kiosk's wall. WTF?-I thought and walked away closer to the street. When I turned around I saw a man, hiding in the shadow, looking at me and jerking off. Goddamn, what the hell is wrong with this bus stop?!People stab each other here or wank. Seriously have to start using another one. Besides, how pathethically sad or sick you have to be to masturbate in public? I gave him a long look. Most of my experiences with pervs are connected with Białystok-this is peculiar...
Went with O. for electromagnetic field measurements-first time this spring. Sunny but windy day at Grodzisk. When we were trying to reverse on the small, local parking plot we bumped into another van. And so we wasted it's bumper a little bit. First thought: LET'S GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!That would be very stupid, haha. Still, the owner of the other car happen to just emerge out of nearby shop, so we had to do the paper work which took an hour, take some photos and all. The hour was late when we began measurements. I took a short walk through the village and photographed few buildings. Ate something. Sat in the car and watched as garbage guys empty plastic and glass containers into ONE compartment. Recycling, my ass. What is the point?!On our way back we drove through some small villages with interesting wooden architecture.
Am not very creative as of late. Some small pyrographic work. Still painting birds for an exibition.O. obviously isn't in a hurry as Odin and Goblin are still unfinished.This pisses me off.
of decay and unexpected meeting
02.04.2012
Winter still fighting strong-ocassional blizzards, temperature below zero during the night. Quite annoying.
Almost as annoying as the thought that my teeth are in ruin, even though there was not much of any sign-be it pain or such, to raise suspicion. Now tooth upon tooth is being closely examined by my dear Aunt, and now instead of one filling I have, uhmm, six?! Am rather dissapointed, as I thought at least my teeth are in great codition. They surely look healthy, but this is just a deceit. Goddamn. Still lower jaw to be checked-I begin to fear that might be same story.
As for my state of mind, it seems I start to feel better. I know I'm in hopeless position as it comes to finances and I really, really wish that someone would finally notice my desperation and foremostly: my awesomness and skill, to buy some of my works. O. says my paintings for the exibition are visibly made in a hurry and without proper focusing. I hate to admit he's probably right. Maybe I should make some few more pyrographic works, and instead of 15 paintings, exibit just 10. Don't even know how big is the exibition space.
Polymer Odin is done, and at O.'s with few basic layers on. My next concept is a devilish horse head-like the one from SleepyHollow or the one of Ringwraiths/Nazgul stallions.
Today, once again, at Grandpa's I have been forced to watch some television. At first it was highly interesting, because there was some BBC Nature document about Africa's most astonishing places. Soon enough though, after returning from my dear Aunt the dentist (this time just a horrible feeling of big lump attached to my throat, as my palate was completely anaestehetised ) had to watch one of the most popular shows, where people have to guess a title of a song after hearing just few notes ( "TODAY'S SPONSOR IS A PRODUCER OF MARMOT FAT OINTMENT"-I kid you not! ). Perhaps the idea is good but certainly not the way this program is being put together. The audience (consisting of very young people dressed as for some stupid disco party), is so fake in reactions, so desperatly pathetic, that it seriously bothers me. I can easily imagine a screen with words "AND NOW CHEER!" or "APPLAUD!" or " BE EXTATIC!" which almost certainly is being shown to those people. And holy mother of Fuck-dancing and singing numbers are even worse. Even if someone really has some vocal talent it becomes irrelevant when contradicted with tacky outfits, stupid face expressions, pretended emotions, and constant urge to be "sexy". I mean-really- does every man have a hard on when some refurbished bitch is almost doing a blow job to a microphone? And does every woman get wet, when some immaculately shaved and tanned weirdo in skinny jeans sliding off his boney ass sings about love and desire? Seriously, WTF is happening to this world?
And how about all those tv series? Yet another pulp for the brain. Thor allmighty, and there are some people out there, hundreds of thousands maybe, or even milions, who are so deeply involved into these shallow stories, thay can't actually live without them. What is the purpose, for instance, of making a series of "supermodel's" life? What a incredibly idiotic idea. I understand that fashion must be presented somehow, and models are to be walking hangers, but why on Earth everybody are so excited about it? I think it is an outrage that models, actors and football players get such rediculous amounts of money for their work, and for example brain surgeon gets just a fraction of that amounts.
Everybody wants to be worshipped, desired, pampered for as long as posssible and by as many people as possible. Pure, fucking madness.
Television is making terrible things to my mind. That's why I hardly watch it.
*
Today, quite unexpectedly while on my way to the dentist, I met a guy whom I haven't seen for roughly ten years. Was immidiately certain it's him. And he did recognise me too, seemed even to be pleased to see me as he kept saying that several times. We met ages ago at the exams on ASP in Gdańsk. Apparently he's doing really good in life, and what's even more interesting, he's lives solely out of photography! And mind you, he's a father of three! Am quite amazed. He looks happy. So, thre are some happy people in this country after all. We exchanged telephone numbers, hugged and split as I didn't really have time and he was visibly in a hurry as well. Don't really think of any people as possibly useful in the future, but I think that this particular acquaintance is worth tending to.
Besides was attacked by two stupid mongrels that belong to our neighbor, while coming back home from the city. Had to walk backwards as they barked loudly trying to get me. Was yelling at them and waving my grocery bag a bit, but generally wasn't freaked out. Only if any of them ever dare to bite me, I'll fucking kill it. The owner should be severly punished for being irresponsible dick hole.
And now for something completely different:
I don't know, but this I guess is not my future after all. One of my fairies.
Last but not least- another life has come to an end-Wiktor Wołkow ceased to be. He'd be 70 on 4th of April. Humble photographer in love with nature. There will be no other like him. It is said that almost a thousand people came to his funeral in Białystok. I think he wouldn't like it.
Winter still fighting strong-ocassional blizzards, temperature below zero during the night. Quite annoying.
Almost as annoying as the thought that my teeth are in ruin, even though there was not much of any sign-be it pain or such, to raise suspicion. Now tooth upon tooth is being closely examined by my dear Aunt, and now instead of one filling I have, uhmm, six?! Am rather dissapointed, as I thought at least my teeth are in great codition. They surely look healthy, but this is just a deceit. Goddamn. Still lower jaw to be checked-I begin to fear that might be same story.
As for my state of mind, it seems I start to feel better. I know I'm in hopeless position as it comes to finances and I really, really wish that someone would finally notice my desperation and foremostly: my awesomness and skill, to buy some of my works. O. says my paintings for the exibition are visibly made in a hurry and without proper focusing. I hate to admit he's probably right. Maybe I should make some few more pyrographic works, and instead of 15 paintings, exibit just 10. Don't even know how big is the exibition space.
Polymer Odin is done, and at O.'s with few basic layers on. My next concept is a devilish horse head-like the one from SleepyHollow or the one of Ringwraiths/Nazgul stallions.
Today, once again, at Grandpa's I have been forced to watch some television. At first it was highly interesting, because there was some BBC Nature document about Africa's most astonishing places. Soon enough though, after returning from my dear Aunt the dentist (this time just a horrible feeling of big lump attached to my throat, as my palate was completely anaestehetised ) had to watch one of the most popular shows, where people have to guess a title of a song after hearing just few notes ( "TODAY'S SPONSOR IS A PRODUCER OF MARMOT FAT OINTMENT"-I kid you not! ). Perhaps the idea is good but certainly not the way this program is being put together. The audience (consisting of very young people dressed as for some stupid disco party), is so fake in reactions, so desperatly pathetic, that it seriously bothers me. I can easily imagine a screen with words "AND NOW CHEER!" or "APPLAUD!" or " BE EXTATIC!" which almost certainly is being shown to those people. And holy mother of Fuck-dancing and singing numbers are even worse. Even if someone really has some vocal talent it becomes irrelevant when contradicted with tacky outfits, stupid face expressions, pretended emotions, and constant urge to be "sexy". I mean-really- does every man have a hard on when some refurbished bitch is almost doing a blow job to a microphone? And does every woman get wet, when some immaculately shaved and tanned weirdo in skinny jeans sliding off his boney ass sings about love and desire? Seriously, WTF is happening to this world?
And how about all those tv series? Yet another pulp for the brain. Thor allmighty, and there are some people out there, hundreds of thousands maybe, or even milions, who are so deeply involved into these shallow stories, thay can't actually live without them. What is the purpose, for instance, of making a series of "supermodel's" life? What a incredibly idiotic idea. I understand that fashion must be presented somehow, and models are to be walking hangers, but why on Earth everybody are so excited about it? I think it is an outrage that models, actors and football players get such rediculous amounts of money for their work, and for example brain surgeon gets just a fraction of that amounts.
Everybody wants to be worshipped, desired, pampered for as long as posssible and by as many people as possible. Pure, fucking madness.
Television is making terrible things to my mind. That's why I hardly watch it.
*
Today, quite unexpectedly while on my way to the dentist, I met a guy whom I haven't seen for roughly ten years. Was immidiately certain it's him. And he did recognise me too, seemed even to be pleased to see me as he kept saying that several times. We met ages ago at the exams on ASP in Gdańsk. Apparently he's doing really good in life, and what's even more interesting, he's lives solely out of photography! And mind you, he's a father of three! Am quite amazed. He looks happy. So, thre are some happy people in this country after all. We exchanged telephone numbers, hugged and split as I didn't really have time and he was visibly in a hurry as well. Don't really think of any people as possibly useful in the future, but I think that this particular acquaintance is worth tending to.
Besides was attacked by two stupid mongrels that belong to our neighbor, while coming back home from the city. Had to walk backwards as they barked loudly trying to get me. Was yelling at them and waving my grocery bag a bit, but generally wasn't freaked out. Only if any of them ever dare to bite me, I'll fucking kill it. The owner should be severly punished for being irresponsible dick hole.
And now for something completely different:
I don't know, but this I guess is not my future after all. One of my fairies.
Last but not least- another life has come to an end-Wiktor Wołkow ceased to be. He'd be 70 on 4th of April. Humble photographer in love with nature. There will be no other like him. It is said that almost a thousand people came to his funeral in Białystok. I think he wouldn't like it.
of sun
23.03.2012
It's been a long time, I know. I'm alone again, but not in my heart.
Finally there's sun, and bird's chatter. The wind still gives me shivers, but it's smell carries the promise of Spring. Soon I'll be digging in the garden with my Aunt, in order to plant various new floral specimens. There are vegetables to be sown. I'm thinking of Summer and it's possibilities. Where will I go?Decisions are yet before me.
For the last two weeks I was rather distracted by the arrival of my loved one, therefore was unable to create to such extent as I normally do. I started to work with felt again and found another place to "exibit" it.
Yesterday attended a memorial mass for my sweet, departed Bro. It's been ten years since he passed away. I felt highly uncomfortable during the whole time in the chapel. Despite the fact that O. was by my side, I couldn't help but to produce a heavy sigh of discontent every now and then. Listening to a catholic priest is a pure nightmare. This man had nothing to say but admit that Death is inevitable and there's nothing we can do about it, BUT there is life in JESUS!! Kingdom of heaven is our only true target and we should eagerly wait for it's coming!Surely my Bro would be overfuckingwhelmed seeing this whole spectacle being held every year in honour of his memory.
After flat sermon, some incredibly humble nun with a moustache came to sing a song with a high voice. Song was almost direct repetition of words already uttered by a priest during his "speech". This is how brainwashing looks like. They talk about the same bloody thing over and over again until weak and feeble take it as a ultimate truth. Was bored to death. I think I can't take more than one mass of this type every ten years. Actually I'd prefer never to be forced to take part in such event EVER AGAIN.
Then, at the very end someone was playing a trumpet, quite skillfuly. I couldn't shake off image of a pinguin playing on it. Later on I found out It wasn't nun but some guy- supposedly 'first trumpeter of Białystok'.
And for the whole time some saint looking nun was eyeing us all from the big picture above the altar. I liked the clouds of the stormy sky over her head.
O. looked quite relaxed until we went to a stone to light a hearth. Sadness got the better of us.
Speaking of the dead-there is a splendid cementary in Suprasl. If it wasn't for the weather, we'd stay there longer to snoop around...
It's been a long time, I know. I'm alone again, but not in my heart.
Finally there's sun, and bird's chatter. The wind still gives me shivers, but it's smell carries the promise of Spring. Soon I'll be digging in the garden with my Aunt, in order to plant various new floral specimens. There are vegetables to be sown. I'm thinking of Summer and it's possibilities. Where will I go?Decisions are yet before me.
For the last two weeks I was rather distracted by the arrival of my loved one, therefore was unable to create to such extent as I normally do. I started to work with felt again and found another place to "exibit" it.
Yesterday attended a memorial mass for my sweet, departed Bro. It's been ten years since he passed away. I felt highly uncomfortable during the whole time in the chapel. Despite the fact that O. was by my side, I couldn't help but to produce a heavy sigh of discontent every now and then. Listening to a catholic priest is a pure nightmare. This man had nothing to say but admit that Death is inevitable and there's nothing we can do about it, BUT there is life in JESUS!! Kingdom of heaven is our only true target and we should eagerly wait for it's coming!Surely my Bro would be overfuckingwhelmed seeing this whole spectacle being held every year in honour of his memory.
After flat sermon, some incredibly humble nun with a moustache came to sing a song with a high voice. Song was almost direct repetition of words already uttered by a priest during his "speech". This is how brainwashing looks like. They talk about the same bloody thing over and over again until weak and feeble take it as a ultimate truth. Was bored to death. I think I can't take more than one mass of this type every ten years. Actually I'd prefer never to be forced to take part in such event EVER AGAIN.
Then, at the very end someone was playing a trumpet, quite skillfuly. I couldn't shake off image of a pinguin playing on it. Later on I found out It wasn't nun but some guy- supposedly 'first trumpeter of Białystok'.
And for the whole time some saint looking nun was eyeing us all from the big picture above the altar. I liked the clouds of the stormy sky over her head.
O. looked quite relaxed until we went to a stone to light a hearth. Sadness got the better of us.
Speaking of the dead-there is a splendid cementary in Suprasl. If it wasn't for the weather, we'd stay there longer to snoop around...
of grinding cartilage and GMO
My knees!!
Don't know if all the nightmares I have had in the past about me having enormous problems with simple walking aren't becoming reality! Must act.
Past few days-making fairy. Came up with an idea for wings-it seems to work. Started another fairy-this time a kneeling one. Varnished Cthulhu. Painted the oriole- took me some three hours to finish the painting-maybe I am a natural genius after all...
Yesterday, FINALLY, managed to get to the library and collect my pyrographic works. To my utter surprise, some of my felt jewellery has been sold. It made me happy for a while. Was told that clients expect a little bit more colorful stuff. So I decided to make some more if there is such demand.
Cold wind and I had just a thin jacket on me.
Generally spent the whole day with O. We dried empty a bottle of cranberry flavoured vodka. Tasted a tad like a coughing remedy but did not wasted us in a significant way. Was assaulted with a toothpick and I made a scene about it. I was bleeding! Well, just one drop, but still!
Also I am aghast by the sudden rise of food prices. Virtually everything is more expensive now than, say, two months ago. Especially in LadyBug-I mean really, how they want to remain competitive? It drives me nuts. Stupid broccoli costs now nearly as much as in any posh fucking food store. I know, I know-the energy to heat the greenhouses, water, transportation costs-it all add up to it. Just don't understand why NOW, not a month ago-when there were hardest weather conditions all around Europe.
It is time to live up the land. With the GMO slowly but surely creeping into our country (it already is in cattle feed for Odin knows how long, so meat eaters devour it without even knowing) there is no other option but to produce your own food. But how?!
For some reason I am still not rich (reasonably, that is).
*
ONLY THREE DAYS TO THE ARRIVAL OF MY BOY!!
It was three months not so long time ago...Time flies and sometimes it scares the shit outta me...
Notes:
* must read some book at last. A real one-not out of a computer screen .
*I need a bowler hat. Preferably vintage.
*need to produce more stuff of all kind.
*need to be consequent as it comes to few things.
*need to invest in health ( blood tests and such ).
*must order a photobook to act as a catalogue of some of my works.
Don't know if all the nightmares I have had in the past about me having enormous problems with simple walking aren't becoming reality! Must act.
Past few days-making fairy. Came up with an idea for wings-it seems to work. Started another fairy-this time a kneeling one. Varnished Cthulhu. Painted the oriole- took me some three hours to finish the painting-maybe I am a natural genius after all...
Yesterday, FINALLY, managed to get to the library and collect my pyrographic works. To my utter surprise, some of my felt jewellery has been sold. It made me happy for a while. Was told that clients expect a little bit more colorful stuff. So I decided to make some more if there is such demand.
Cold wind and I had just a thin jacket on me.
Generally spent the whole day with O. We dried empty a bottle of cranberry flavoured vodka. Tasted a tad like a coughing remedy but did not wasted us in a significant way. Was assaulted with a toothpick and I made a scene about it. I was bleeding! Well, just one drop, but still!
Also I am aghast by the sudden rise of food prices. Virtually everything is more expensive now than, say, two months ago. Especially in LadyBug-I mean really, how they want to remain competitive? It drives me nuts. Stupid broccoli costs now nearly as much as in any posh fucking food store. I know, I know-the energy to heat the greenhouses, water, transportation costs-it all add up to it. Just don't understand why NOW, not a month ago-when there were hardest weather conditions all around Europe.
It is time to live up the land. With the GMO slowly but surely creeping into our country (it already is in cattle feed for Odin knows how long, so meat eaters devour it without even knowing) there is no other option but to produce your own food. But how?!
For some reason I am still not rich (reasonably, that is).
*
ONLY THREE DAYS TO THE ARRIVAL OF MY BOY!!
It was three months not so long time ago...Time flies and sometimes it scares the shit outta me...
Notes:
* must read some book at last. A real one-not out of a computer screen .
*I need a bowler hat. Preferably vintage.
*need to produce more stuff of all kind.
*need to be consequent as it comes to few things.
*need to invest in health ( blood tests and such ).
*must order a photobook to act as a catalogue of some of my works.
of failure
28.02.2012
There is one thing I know- no more complications. Sculpting is a laborious procedure, and everything should be as easy as possible in order to avoid future dissapointments. My greatest dissapointment as it comes to my polymer clay actions is-unfortunately-Thor. He's pretty and all, but has far to many vulnerable points. His arm, which seemed to me fixed for good-broke again. I broke his sword. Little strand of hair has been broken twice. His hand, holding a sword hilt broke too. Of course- it'll teach me something, but when I think of hours of my work wasted, I can't help but feel angry with myself. I wanted to make something epic at the beginning, and it appears to be an utter failure. Well then, he'll remain unsold-can't risk selling him, even when I fix him. Am going to make another Thor-much smaller, perhaps of the size of my heads. No more stupid details that may jeopardise whole project.
Am working on fairy now-also thought it'll be a piece of cake, maybe a one day work.Well- it isn't! The whole process of sanding is very time consuming, and another obstacle, called "moonies" (which are nothing more than circular breaks that appear on the suface of baked SuperSculpey) has to be tackled along the way. It appears that moonies are inevitable when working with this material. It doesn't bother me much as long as I'm going to paint my figurine. But when I choose to leave it's fleshy color (as on the fairy) it really becomes troublesome. Also, I have a strange tendency to make all my creatures appearances slightly ghoulish or demonic if you like. I just simply cannot produce a sweet and innocent face! At least not now. And I know that in order to make things desirable, I must learn that skill and be careful not to border on kitsch.
O. managed to fool me by claiming that The Reaper fell of his hands and broke. Fortunately it was only a lame joke, so I didn't have to kill him. As for his painting skills, I must admit I have expected much more sophisticated work. I pointed out the brush traces on the surface of skull. I sanded it ( also to get rid of my fingerprints ) and gave him back to work some more on it. Gave him goblin to do next.
My greatest concern is that painting such little figurines takes far too much time on his part. Maybe, there'll be some improvement.
Have no will to paint-at least not for the exibition.
Deviant designes sent.
Spoke to my ex boss today, and she said that her hub-and my ex boss as well- is going to work as a taxi driver! Now, this is what this country does to you: must looking for another opportunities in order to stay alive.Sometimes I wonder how it is going to end. Obviously, there is always demise at the end of the road, question only when and how.
Found out that most likely I have so called "runners knee" sydrome- Chondromalacia. If I had only new back in 2003, when I damaged my knees while descending Seven Sisters in Norway, that I should act immediately and go to see some doctor!
There is one thing I know- no more complications. Sculpting is a laborious procedure, and everything should be as easy as possible in order to avoid future dissapointments. My greatest dissapointment as it comes to my polymer clay actions is-unfortunately-Thor. He's pretty and all, but has far to many vulnerable points. His arm, which seemed to me fixed for good-broke again. I broke his sword. Little strand of hair has been broken twice. His hand, holding a sword hilt broke too. Of course- it'll teach me something, but when I think of hours of my work wasted, I can't help but feel angry with myself. I wanted to make something epic at the beginning, and it appears to be an utter failure. Well then, he'll remain unsold-can't risk selling him, even when I fix him. Am going to make another Thor-much smaller, perhaps of the size of my heads. No more stupid details that may jeopardise whole project.
Am working on fairy now-also thought it'll be a piece of cake, maybe a one day work.Well- it isn't! The whole process of sanding is very time consuming, and another obstacle, called "moonies" (which are nothing more than circular breaks that appear on the suface of baked SuperSculpey) has to be tackled along the way. It appears that moonies are inevitable when working with this material. It doesn't bother me much as long as I'm going to paint my figurine. But when I choose to leave it's fleshy color (as on the fairy) it really becomes troublesome. Also, I have a strange tendency to make all my creatures appearances slightly ghoulish or demonic if you like. I just simply cannot produce a sweet and innocent face! At least not now. And I know that in order to make things desirable, I must learn that skill and be careful not to border on kitsch.
O. managed to fool me by claiming that The Reaper fell of his hands and broke. Fortunately it was only a lame joke, so I didn't have to kill him. As for his painting skills, I must admit I have expected much more sophisticated work. I pointed out the brush traces on the surface of skull. I sanded it ( also to get rid of my fingerprints ) and gave him back to work some more on it. Gave him goblin to do next.
My greatest concern is that painting such little figurines takes far too much time on his part. Maybe, there'll be some improvement.
Have no will to paint-at least not for the exibition.
Deviant designes sent.
Spoke to my ex boss today, and she said that her hub-and my ex boss as well- is going to work as a taxi driver! Now, this is what this country does to you: must looking for another opportunities in order to stay alive.Sometimes I wonder how it is going to end. Obviously, there is always demise at the end of the road, question only when and how.
Found out that most likely I have so called "runners knee" sydrome- Chondromalacia. If I had only new back in 2003, when I damaged my knees while descending Seven Sisters in Norway, that I should act immediately and go to see some doctor!
what the hecq?
25.02.2012
Ok, cut the crap.
World is melting away. Wish it would melt a little bit faster as every surface now is potentially lethal. On Wednesday I have landed hard on my ass and twisted my wrist just meters from the house. I was really extra careful whole day, but it didn't help me.
There is heavy wind outside-I can hear it trashing trees around. And constant dripping of water. Is it coming, then? The Spring??
Made three polymer heads in the last two days and am rather satisfied. Baked them on Friday along with a new sword for Thor, who BDW is finished now. At least I think it is. May change my mind. As for heads: first one to appear was The Goblin. Then Cthulhu and the Eye of Terror. Was tempted whole day to start playing with Cthulhu, so finally I painted him yesterday evening. The result seems to be satisfactory. Don't know if I'll leave him as his is, in matt, or give him some glossy varnish. Will consult it. O. started with Reaper and painted him with first few layers. Eye of Terror has been painted with first few layers too, much is yet to be done.
I made rather deep carving at the place of iris on Eye of Terror head, so I could fill it with glass paint, when baked. . Made him without any sketch, rather spontaniously, just as the rest of them-maybe with the exception of Cthulhu-had to browse in the net for reference.
Also-started...Fairy. Yeah, I know this is so mainsteram, but just want to try it, and find out if I'm any good at it. I'm interested only in very small figurines of that kind, "flying" (with a little loop at the back for threading some string, so you can hang it anywhere).
Discovery of the day: Hecq As his last album is dubsteppish, it really works for me. Finally some clever tune and fat bass! Loving it. If I could go to some party with such music, I would count it as the best party of my life. AND I'm not a party girl, by all means.
Ok, cut the crap.
World is melting away. Wish it would melt a little bit faster as every surface now is potentially lethal. On Wednesday I have landed hard on my ass and twisted my wrist just meters from the house. I was really extra careful whole day, but it didn't help me.
There is heavy wind outside-I can hear it trashing trees around. And constant dripping of water. Is it coming, then? The Spring??
Made three polymer heads in the last two days and am rather satisfied. Baked them on Friday along with a new sword for Thor, who BDW is finished now. At least I think it is. May change my mind. As for heads: first one to appear was The Goblin. Then Cthulhu and the Eye of Terror. Was tempted whole day to start playing with Cthulhu, so finally I painted him yesterday evening. The result seems to be satisfactory. Don't know if I'll leave him as his is, in matt, or give him some glossy varnish. Will consult it. O. started with Reaper and painted him with first few layers. Eye of Terror has been painted with first few layers too, much is yet to be done.
I made rather deep carving at the place of iris on Eye of Terror head, so I could fill it with glass paint, when baked. . Made him without any sketch, rather spontaniously, just as the rest of them-maybe with the exception of Cthulhu-had to browse in the net for reference.
Also-started...Fairy. Yeah, I know this is so mainsteram, but just want to try it, and find out if I'm any good at it. I'm interested only in very small figurines of that kind, "flying" (with a little loop at the back for threading some string, so you can hang it anywhere).
Discovery of the day: Hecq As his last album is dubsteppish, it really works for me. Finally some clever tune and fat bass! Loving it. If I could go to some party with such music, I would count it as the best party of my life. AND I'm not a party girl, by all means.
of headache
19.02.2012
Yesterday was Grandma's birthday party. She's 85 and openly claims that she doesn't want to live anymore. What kind of life is that if you're in constant pain?
Table was full of cakes and such. Ate only as much as one portion of each cake (there were two). Met O. after exactly a week since we've seen each other. I appears thet he waited for me to call him first, and I waited for him to call me first. I managed to express my indifference quite openly which surprisingly did worry him. I found out that he signed up with his Good Lady for norwegian lessons! Yellow bastard. I told him I'm interested too ages ago, and he didn't even call me! There was some promotion, and semester cost 50% cheaper than usually. Don't have money for it anyway, but still!
We went to LadyBug and then Carrefour to get something for Grandma (I picked nice plant with pink flowers-unforunately rather smelly) and then went to cementary to light hearths. Been throwing big chunks of frozen snow at each other and I got hit two times in the chest ( I WAS A QUITE SUCCESSFUL ARTIST, BUT THEN I TOOK A SNOWBALL IN THE CHEST). Weather surprisingly warm (-3C) and so I didn't even zip my jacket.
At Grandma's we were sitting politely around the table and talking about everything and nothing. I showed O. The Reaper, wrapped in the bubble foil. He didn't take it out but his eyes went round like saucers and he stuttered: THIS IS GENIAL!I took it away from him only to give it back some time later. I decided he'll paint it. If he delivers, I might find a use for him. I have never seen (or maybe I just don't remember) O. to be so excited about something. When we were later walking down the street to get some beverage and saltsticks he kept talking and talking about The Reaper, and my various talents and skills. Well, that feels good.
And then I met one of his friends, Luiza, who was so eager to meet me (??) that she exclaimed at our entrance: "So, this is that famous sister of yours!".
"I see that my fame gets ahead of me"-I said, giving her my signature, firm grip.
And so we drank and listened to Jon LaJoie (POW,POW) and snickered upon his lyrics. I noticed that felted demon head I made for O. at a time when everything mattered, found its place at the new glass cabinet, that now proudly hangs above the desk.
I gave O. precisely a week to paint Reaper.
It is anatomically correct, and aproximetely 7,5 cm tall. Will start with another character today, as I woke up exactly at 8.00 which is, uhm, abnormal in my case. Must paint something too, and get some good bird photos from the net. Soon I'll be deprived of internet and before I get it back I might not be able to do so.
As for Thor-had some problems along the way, but it seems I found good solutions for them. Still unfinished but it is now closer to the end than ever.
*
Two serious dog fights in the house featuring Perkele and Tora. Some minor wounds on both sides. It looks really ferocious when those two are in for kicking the crap out of each other. No apparent reason.
Also strawberries taste like water now.
I have a strange headache at the upper side of my head, it's really strong and I hope I won't die unexpectedly, in a seazure, down on the floor, with internal bleeding.
More snow, but temperatures also more acceptable.
Learned few interesting insults in Norwegian, like:
-drittsekk;
-din faens rompeslikker!
-morrapuler;
-kukkost (hahahahahahaha);
-knulle;
-skinkerytter (hahahahaha)
-fitte
and many more
Yesterday was Grandma's birthday party. She's 85 and openly claims that she doesn't want to live anymore. What kind of life is that if you're in constant pain?
Table was full of cakes and such. Ate only as much as one portion of each cake (there were two). Met O. after exactly a week since we've seen each other. I appears thet he waited for me to call him first, and I waited for him to call me first. I managed to express my indifference quite openly which surprisingly did worry him. I found out that he signed up with his Good Lady for norwegian lessons! Yellow bastard. I told him I'm interested too ages ago, and he didn't even call me! There was some promotion, and semester cost 50% cheaper than usually. Don't have money for it anyway, but still!
We went to LadyBug and then Carrefour to get something for Grandma (I picked nice plant with pink flowers-unforunately rather smelly) and then went to cementary to light hearths. Been throwing big chunks of frozen snow at each other and I got hit two times in the chest ( I WAS A QUITE SUCCESSFUL ARTIST, BUT THEN I TOOK A SNOWBALL IN THE CHEST). Weather surprisingly warm (-3C) and so I didn't even zip my jacket.
At Grandma's we were sitting politely around the table and talking about everything and nothing. I showed O. The Reaper, wrapped in the bubble foil. He didn't take it out but his eyes went round like saucers and he stuttered: THIS IS GENIAL!I took it away from him only to give it back some time later. I decided he'll paint it. If he delivers, I might find a use for him. I have never seen (or maybe I just don't remember) O. to be so excited about something. When we were later walking down the street to get some beverage and saltsticks he kept talking and talking about The Reaper, and my various talents and skills. Well, that feels good.
And then I met one of his friends, Luiza, who was so eager to meet me (??) that she exclaimed at our entrance: "So, this is that famous sister of yours!".
"I see that my fame gets ahead of me"-I said, giving her my signature, firm grip.
And so we drank and listened to Jon LaJoie (POW,POW) and snickered upon his lyrics. I noticed that felted demon head I made for O. at a time when everything mattered, found its place at the new glass cabinet, that now proudly hangs above the desk.
I gave O. precisely a week to paint Reaper.
It is anatomically correct, and aproximetely 7,5 cm tall. Will start with another character today, as I woke up exactly at 8.00 which is, uhm, abnormal in my case. Must paint something too, and get some good bird photos from the net. Soon I'll be deprived of internet and before I get it back I might not be able to do so.
As for Thor-had some problems along the way, but it seems I found good solutions for them. Still unfinished but it is now closer to the end than ever.
*
Two serious dog fights in the house featuring Perkele and Tora. Some minor wounds on both sides. It looks really ferocious when those two are in for kicking the crap out of each other. No apparent reason.
Also strawberries taste like water now.
I have a strange headache at the upper side of my head, it's really strong and I hope I won't die unexpectedly, in a seazure, down on the floor, with internal bleeding.
More snow, but temperatures also more acceptable.
Learned few interesting insults in Norwegian, like:
-drittsekk;
-din faens rompeslikker!
-morrapuler;
-kukkost (hahahahahahaha);
-knulle;
-skinkerytter (hahahahaha)
-fitte
and many more
15.02.2012
So far, so good-managed not to contact O. for three days, which is really something of a achievement. This actually leads me to the conclusion, that I was wrong all the way, blind, stupid, naive, you name it. If he does not feel any need to contact me, there is nothing left but do the same.
Am listening to Brendan Perry over and over again and his music doesn't make me shaken anymore. I've been feeling even sort of uplifted all day... I have shitload of things to do, and yet I haven't done anything today. Just smoothing out my new polymer clay Grim Reaper bust. Just sent an entry for a t-shirt contest, which leaves me with one more contest to take part in. I expect strong competition, but there is some serious money to be won. Better not think of it in case of failure...!
Tomorrow is...Right...What is it? Fat Thursday? Doughnut Day? I honestly don't even know where from this strange custom comes. Am not going to eat a single doughnut, even thoug aunt is going to prepare some. Lard! ! ! Yuk, yuk, yuk.
*
When I use public transport it always strikes me how people look. Sometimes it is like travelling with the characters from Hieronymus Bosch's or Pieter Bruegel's paintings. I like to think of how those wrinkled, rough faces looked like when they were young. I wonder if they are as much dissapointed with this World as I am.
So far, so good-managed not to contact O. for three days, which is really something of a achievement. This actually leads me to the conclusion, that I was wrong all the way, blind, stupid, naive, you name it. If he does not feel any need to contact me, there is nothing left but do the same.
Am listening to Brendan Perry over and over again and his music doesn't make me shaken anymore. I've been feeling even sort of uplifted all day... I have shitload of things to do, and yet I haven't done anything today. Just smoothing out my new polymer clay Grim Reaper bust. Just sent an entry for a t-shirt contest, which leaves me with one more contest to take part in. I expect strong competition, but there is some serious money to be won. Better not think of it in case of failure...!
Tomorrow is...Right...What is it? Fat Thursday? Doughnut Day? I honestly don't even know where from this strange custom comes. Am not going to eat a single doughnut, even thoug aunt is going to prepare some. Lard! ! ! Yuk, yuk, yuk.
*
When I use public transport it always strikes me how people look. Sometimes it is like travelling with the characters from Hieronymus Bosch's or Pieter Bruegel's paintings. I like to think of how those wrinkled, rough faces looked like when they were young. I wonder if they are as much dissapointed with this World as I am.
of dreams unfulfilled
11.02.2012
Manage to battle bad mood a bit. It doesn't mean it's all sweets and roses now. It'll never be so.
O. is sick and thus I've been avoiding him for past few days. I managed to bake Thor ( few problems accured while doing so) and put basic layers of paint on him. I begin to believe this is going somewhere. Prehaps just fooling myself, but without little faith I'd be utterly lost. So I keep thinking, and dreaming. My interest for dolls slowly transforms into intereset for figurines/busts of ugly and scary creatures as found in Schell Studio. Now. HOW TO BEGIN?!
Went to Grandpa yesterday. I thought I'll go snowblind along the way. Also O. informed me that we won't attend the concert as all tickets had been sold out. Well, that was surprising!
Couldn't bring myself to paint anything at Grandpa's. Eventually though I picked Little Owl (Athene Noctua) as my subject. This is such a beautiful and, yes!-cute bird, I couldn't resist.
I placed her/him? in the dark of woods, where blueish silhouettes of trees dominate the landscape. It isn't finished yet, but I can see it's working.
I ate some soup containing mostly beans and went to O. His Good Lady as usually buried in books. As far as I know she's got just one more exam on Sunday. Managed to get pissed few times but generally enjoyed the time. We've been drinking some good stuff and listening to Metallica and such. I remember when everybody was crazy about this band, I deliberately refused to listen to it. I guess I wanted to be different. And so, now I don't really know any of Metallica's albums, I only recognize few songs. Still, it doesn't kick my ass at all.
At some point we were measuring our biceps, because I told O. mine are bigger than his, haha. He took it very personally and brought tape to find out. I've got 26/27cm, he's got 32cm. I knew it'll be on the contrary, but just like to mock him from time to time ^^
Anyway, O. managed to contact his guitarist ( we picked him from railway station BEFORE we got into alcoholical behaviour ) and force him to prepare one or two songs within a month. O. intends to reanimate his and Prohet's band-Entropia. It would be great to see O. performing live on stage, I think thst is one of things he might miss in his life. When we dropped Borgoth and came back home (temperature still around -17C), O. suggested himself as my manager (!), and said my works must be somehow promoted. Well, as far as I know him it's just small talk, BUT, he confessed that he talked with his friend sometime ago, about my stuff, and wanted to get me some exibition space. Unforunately all is booked until next year, however, in case of any changes, he'll be promptly informed.
Well, hell yeah, why not, I could be a famous artist.
Also, found out about a piece of land that belongs to my Far at some distance from Białystok.
Surprises, surprises...
Lastly: just discovered very interesting artist-I absolutely admire her works!One of them below:
If I wasn't such a broke, I would collect all them cuties...
Manage to battle bad mood a bit. It doesn't mean it's all sweets and roses now. It'll never be so.
O. is sick and thus I've been avoiding him for past few days. I managed to bake Thor ( few problems accured while doing so) and put basic layers of paint on him. I begin to believe this is going somewhere. Prehaps just fooling myself, but without little faith I'd be utterly lost. So I keep thinking, and dreaming. My interest for dolls slowly transforms into intereset for figurines/busts of ugly and scary creatures as found in Schell Studio. Now. HOW TO BEGIN?!
Went to Grandpa yesterday. I thought I'll go snowblind along the way. Also O. informed me that we won't attend the concert as all tickets had been sold out. Well, that was surprising!
Couldn't bring myself to paint anything at Grandpa's. Eventually though I picked Little Owl (Athene Noctua) as my subject. This is such a beautiful and, yes!-cute bird, I couldn't resist.
I placed her/him? in the dark of woods, where blueish silhouettes of trees dominate the landscape. It isn't finished yet, but I can see it's working.
I ate some soup containing mostly beans and went to O. His Good Lady as usually buried in books. As far as I know she's got just one more exam on Sunday. Managed to get pissed few times but generally enjoyed the time. We've been drinking some good stuff and listening to Metallica and such. I remember when everybody was crazy about this band, I deliberately refused to listen to it. I guess I wanted to be different. And so, now I don't really know any of Metallica's albums, I only recognize few songs. Still, it doesn't kick my ass at all.
At some point we were measuring our biceps, because I told O. mine are bigger than his, haha. He took it very personally and brought tape to find out. I've got 26/27cm, he's got 32cm. I knew it'll be on the contrary, but just like to mock him from time to time ^^
Anyway, O. managed to contact his guitarist ( we picked him from railway station BEFORE we got into alcoholical behaviour ) and force him to prepare one or two songs within a month. O. intends to reanimate his and Prohet's band-Entropia. It would be great to see O. performing live on stage, I think thst is one of things he might miss in his life. When we dropped Borgoth and came back home (temperature still around -17C), O. suggested himself as my manager (!), and said my works must be somehow promoted. Well, as far as I know him it's just small talk, BUT, he confessed that he talked with his friend sometime ago, about my stuff, and wanted to get me some exibition space. Unforunately all is booked until next year, however, in case of any changes, he'll be promptly informed.
Well, hell yeah, why not, I could be a famous artist.
Also, found out about a piece of land that belongs to my Far at some distance from Białystok.
Surprises, surprises...
Lastly: just discovered very interesting artist-I absolutely admire her works!One of them below:
of dizziness and hummus
05.02.2012
It is 35days since I've smoked my last cigarette. I'm not mentioning it in order to get an applaud, I only just discovered that apparently I don't HAVE TO inhale things. Just sometimes have this little thought on the back of my head-would be nice to have a fag, especially after satisfying meal...
I've spent last night on the tiled floor at the back of O.' kitchen. Did not sleep well, I must say. Was a bit dissapointed that I had so little time to have a proper conversations, as M. had exams the next day and had to go to sleep rather early. Woke up feeling weak, dizzy and unwilling to live. We spoke of shitty prospects for our existence. Managed to get into even worse mood. Then we assembled new piece of furniture- looks like a rack for meat to me, but no nevermind.
I think this was the last time I stayed overnight at O.'s place.
Maybe will change my mind, when Spring comes. Oh Spring, where are Thou??
Prospects of Opeth concert is getting more and more distant. I'm so broke, it hurts. Where are all those rich people with great artistic taste, willing to spend shitloads of money on my one of a kind weirdness?? Am seriously lacking inner force to create. The bounce is gone from my bungee.
Heavy frost every single day, and clear, blinding sky. My eye lashes stick together if I don't bat my eyelids often enough.
In addition to my already miserable life, I have terrible muscle pains as I only recently started to exercise with weights (don't even know how heavy they are, I estimate them to be 4 kilos each) and also stretch myself a bit. There is certain pleasure in such body working, and I understand that pain is an inevitable thing. I think there is some competition between me and O. as it comes to exercising. He's such a show-off.
No visible progress on anything.
Prospect of a concert of group called Cynis, next friday.O.'s bassist will perform there. I might only go to see him playing, as I find him rather nice guy ( bassist, not O.).
Also-LaoChe on 26th of February.
ps.my first home made hummus became an instant hit! It is simple and it's yummy:
1 cup of chickpeas (some 175g)
1 table spoon of lemon juice
1/4 cup of oil
pinch of salt
pinch of black pepper
pinch of dried chilli
as much garlic as desired ( I added just one clove and it really stands out )
some coriander-crushed.
Soak chickpeas for some 15 hours or so, then cook them until soft. Mix all ingredients with blender. Eat within three days.
It is 35days since I've smoked my last cigarette. I'm not mentioning it in order to get an applaud, I only just discovered that apparently I don't HAVE TO inhale things. Just sometimes have this little thought on the back of my head-would be nice to have a fag, especially after satisfying meal...
I've spent last night on the tiled floor at the back of O.' kitchen. Did not sleep well, I must say. Was a bit dissapointed that I had so little time to have a proper conversations, as M. had exams the next day and had to go to sleep rather early. Woke up feeling weak, dizzy and unwilling to live. We spoke of shitty prospects for our existence. Managed to get into even worse mood. Then we assembled new piece of furniture- looks like a rack for meat to me, but no nevermind.
I think this was the last time I stayed overnight at O.'s place.
Maybe will change my mind, when Spring comes. Oh Spring, where are Thou??
Prospects of Opeth concert is getting more and more distant. I'm so broke, it hurts. Where are all those rich people with great artistic taste, willing to spend shitloads of money on my one of a kind weirdness?? Am seriously lacking inner force to create. The bounce is gone from my bungee.
Heavy frost every single day, and clear, blinding sky. My eye lashes stick together if I don't bat my eyelids often enough.
In addition to my already miserable life, I have terrible muscle pains as I only recently started to exercise with weights (don't even know how heavy they are, I estimate them to be 4 kilos each) and also stretch myself a bit. There is certain pleasure in such body working, and I understand that pain is an inevitable thing. I think there is some competition between me and O. as it comes to exercising. He's such a show-off.
No visible progress on anything.
Prospect of a concert of group called Cynis, next friday.O.'s bassist will perform there. I might only go to see him playing, as I find him rather nice guy ( bassist, not O.).
Also-LaoChe on 26th of February.
ps.my first home made hummus became an instant hit! It is simple and it's yummy:
1 cup of chickpeas (some 175g)
1 table spoon of lemon juice
1/4 cup of oil
pinch of salt
pinch of black pepper
pinch of dried chilli
as much garlic as desired ( I added just one clove and it really stands out )
some coriander-crushed.
Soak chickpeas for some 15 hours or so, then cook them until soft. Mix all ingredients with blender. Eat within three days.
of strawberry sherbet
02.02.2012
After sleepless night I concluded I cannot live this way no more. Someone will die.
Meanwile Winter is getting seriously wintery. There is -23C, and some hour ago I was outside, walking streets of Biały with frosted eyelashes and tiny icicles in my nose. Trying imagine myself at the North Pole.
As temperature plummets, chinchillas became my greatest concern. So today they have been moved downstairs, to my room. I hardly sleep anyway, so I really don't care now what creature is going to wake me up in the middle of the fucking night. For few reasons, though, I can forgive a chinch for his nightly gymnastics, as it's his nature to be active at an impossible hours. What is Perkele's reason to wake up dozens of times during the night, getting in and out of the room every few minutes, because she just can't bloody lie down and sleep? Or relax for few hours instead of whinig and scratching the door? Leaving her in the kitchen with other dogs means sudden burst of clatter, when Andrew moves around, which drives me mad to the point of breaking her neck. I need silence.
So, yes, this subject keeps coming back like a fucking bumerang, and I've got just about enough of it.
Now, we (that is me, O., his good lady, and O.'s college friend) went to see swedish short films. First one was stupid and pointless, as it did't lead anywhere. The only conclusion I had is that I'm glad I'm not 20 years old anymore. And that penis looks often extremely pathethic, especially when being put into icy cold drink. Second one was about China and wasn't particularly breathtaking, but I kind of liked steady shots. Also, I was glad I don't live in this country, where you can be shot to death legally for no particular reason, and your demise might be an entertainment for some twisted fucks. Third one was about various animals living on the beach somewhere, don't really know where. Just music and picture. Very nicely captured light and colors. The only drawback was that eventually hordes of people arrived at this beach and destroyed peace and simple joy, by spilling blood.
Fourth one was the best in my opinion, and it was about a girl, who could heal people by taking their sicknesses away, with great cost on her mental state. Very little dialouge, great light, ideas, composition. Fifth one was called "Anyone for tennis?", and I instantly knew it must have something to do with Monthy Python. And it did-Gilliam like cartoon, very nice. Sixth one was about two lesbians who wanted to have a second baby. I liked their white, slightly askew, wooden house. I didn't like the story, flat like a pancake it was. The seventh-it was some videoclip, shot in the woods, band members constructed of hardly visible light dots, floating and sparkling. Liked the idea very much, was not impressed with music. Last one was about a woman performing modern dance in the studio-built birch forest. Her face neither beautiful nor ugly, reminded me of Miranda Richardson. Again, not a word spoken, just music and movement. I liked her dance, because it is kind of dance I would perform, and actually I do. Sometimes.
Am thinking now of making my own short film. Very short-something like 2minutes. With slow motion. And maybe to Ulver's music. That would be something.
Then the painful duty to apply layers of clothing to oneself. I look like a terrorist with only my eyes visible beneath various scarfs and hats and hoods. We (that is me, O. and his friend-good lady run home to stuff more knowlege to her already bursting brain) went to a bus stop and waited there for some five minutes, making comments on almost bare assed blond bitches, who obviously don't know anything about bladder problems. But soon they'll know! Also we concluded that bacterias don't like low temperatures, so perhaps this is some way to combat typical for whores vaginal problems. And then O.'s friend left us (can't bloody remember her name, too common I guess- nice person though) and we went to my bus stop, mocking each other along the way. As we were approaching my usual place of departure, we saw blue, flashing lights and quite untypical police car. Soon few of them gathered. There was blood on the pavement. It looked like well frozen strawberry sherbet. We were told to mind our steps. We glanced at eachother, and moved away a bit. We watched as policemen were taping whole bus stop with red and white tape with word POLICE written on it. We were observing their clumsy work and wondering why they don't have special posts so tape could be easily attached to it. They kept wrapping it around their own cars and a litter bin. Very unprofessional. We noticed that there was some grim looking guy in one of police vehicles. Had to be the one who stabbed. As we clearly heard something about the knife.
Well, gotta start using other bus stop, it seems.
Or it doesn't really matter, as shit may happen anytime, anywhere. Also, is it possible to stab somebody with so many layers of clothing?Thinking of myself now.
Thor is looking better and better. Today made carvings on his breast plate, and made him a belt. Would be great to cast him in bronze, but I suppose I can't afford it. AND it might be tricky, as it is a difficult shape with lots of details and such. We'll see. He might be pretty impressive when finished.
After sleepless night I concluded I cannot live this way no more. Someone will die.
Meanwile Winter is getting seriously wintery. There is -23C, and some hour ago I was outside, walking streets of Biały with frosted eyelashes and tiny icicles in my nose. Trying imagine myself at the North Pole.
As temperature plummets, chinchillas became my greatest concern. So today they have been moved downstairs, to my room. I hardly sleep anyway, so I really don't care now what creature is going to wake me up in the middle of the fucking night. For few reasons, though, I can forgive a chinch for his nightly gymnastics, as it's his nature to be active at an impossible hours. What is Perkele's reason to wake up dozens of times during the night, getting in and out of the room every few minutes, because she just can't bloody lie down and sleep? Or relax for few hours instead of whinig and scratching the door? Leaving her in the kitchen with other dogs means sudden burst of clatter, when Andrew moves around, which drives me mad to the point of breaking her neck. I need silence.
So, yes, this subject keeps coming back like a fucking bumerang, and I've got just about enough of it.
Now, we (that is me, O., his good lady, and O.'s college friend) went to see swedish short films. First one was stupid and pointless, as it did't lead anywhere. The only conclusion I had is that I'm glad I'm not 20 years old anymore. And that penis looks often extremely pathethic, especially when being put into icy cold drink. Second one was about China and wasn't particularly breathtaking, but I kind of liked steady shots. Also, I was glad I don't live in this country, where you can be shot to death legally for no particular reason, and your demise might be an entertainment for some twisted fucks. Third one was about various animals living on the beach somewhere, don't really know where. Just music and picture. Very nicely captured light and colors. The only drawback was that eventually hordes of people arrived at this beach and destroyed peace and simple joy, by spilling blood.
Fourth one was the best in my opinion, and it was about a girl, who could heal people by taking their sicknesses away, with great cost on her mental state. Very little dialouge, great light, ideas, composition. Fifth one was called "Anyone for tennis?", and I instantly knew it must have something to do with Monthy Python. And it did-Gilliam like cartoon, very nice. Sixth one was about two lesbians who wanted to have a second baby. I liked their white, slightly askew, wooden house. I didn't like the story, flat like a pancake it was. The seventh-it was some videoclip, shot in the woods, band members constructed of hardly visible light dots, floating and sparkling. Liked the idea very much, was not impressed with music. Last one was about a woman performing modern dance in the studio-built birch forest. Her face neither beautiful nor ugly, reminded me of Miranda Richardson. Again, not a word spoken, just music and movement. I liked her dance, because it is kind of dance I would perform, and actually I do. Sometimes.
Am thinking now of making my own short film. Very short-something like 2minutes. With slow motion. And maybe to Ulver's music. That would be something.
Then the painful duty to apply layers of clothing to oneself. I look like a terrorist with only my eyes visible beneath various scarfs and hats and hoods. We (that is me, O. and his friend-good lady run home to stuff more knowlege to her already bursting brain) went to a bus stop and waited there for some five minutes, making comments on almost bare assed blond bitches, who obviously don't know anything about bladder problems. But soon they'll know! Also we concluded that bacterias don't like low temperatures, so perhaps this is some way to combat typical for whores vaginal problems. And then O.'s friend left us (can't bloody remember her name, too common I guess- nice person though) and we went to my bus stop, mocking each other along the way. As we were approaching my usual place of departure, we saw blue, flashing lights and quite untypical police car. Soon few of them gathered. There was blood on the pavement. It looked like well frozen strawberry sherbet. We were told to mind our steps. We glanced at eachother, and moved away a bit. We watched as policemen were taping whole bus stop with red and white tape with word POLICE written on it. We were observing their clumsy work and wondering why they don't have special posts so tape could be easily attached to it. They kept wrapping it around their own cars and a litter bin. Very unprofessional. We noticed that there was some grim looking guy in one of police vehicles. Had to be the one who stabbed. As we clearly heard something about the knife.
Well, gotta start using other bus stop, it seems.
Or it doesn't really matter, as shit may happen anytime, anywhere. Also, is it possible to stab somebody with so many layers of clothing?Thinking of myself now.
Thor is looking better and better. Today made carvings on his breast plate, and made him a belt. Would be great to cast him in bronze, but I suppose I can't afford it. AND it might be tricky, as it is a difficult shape with lots of details and such. We'll see. He might be pretty impressive when finished.
of chill
28.01.2011
Can't believe it is almost the end of January. The Sun sets around half past four. Few very bright and cold days. We were at the graveyard yesterday, and I was trying to take a picture as there was very intriguing light. But in a matter of seconds my fingers went numb ( can't do a bloody thing in gloves ) and soon after quite painful. O. had to help me out with putting camera to my backpack, as I had completely stiff hands. No idea what temperature might had been that day, but surely well below -10C! It always amazes me-the passing of time, changing of seasons. Can't wait for Spring, when every little plant emerging from the soil is a joy to look at. The shade of green that only young leaves have. The smell of wind carrying mixed scents of plants. The first spring rain. And the light, lots of light until the very evening...
Working on the God of Thunder. Made some weapons, and started the armour, but there is still a lot of work before me.
Managed to produce Tailed Emperor and sell it. Hopefully I'll be able to gather money for THE TICKET. If we won't be able to attend this eterprise, at least I could invest in local gym and do something for myself.
Am weak. Can't even lift myself properly on the bar, can't do any push-ups. Must strengthen myself. Won't risk cycling at this temperature and overall conditions. Would probably knock my teeth out or something. AND drown in my own nasal fluids.
Made pizza today (not entirely by myself) and it turned out good. Felted few woolen hearts.
Might go to the church tomorrow! Or not. There is some photographic documentation to be done of Grandpa's work. He made every single thing there: the altar, confessionals, stations of the cross and so on. Existing photos are simply revolting. Would prefer not to go there on Sunday as I can't stand all these pompous ceremonies. Probably though, O. won't deliver, so I will almost certainly remain home...
38 days. Seems like eternity...
Can't believe it is almost the end of January. The Sun sets around half past four. Few very bright and cold days. We were at the graveyard yesterday, and I was trying to take a picture as there was very intriguing light. But in a matter of seconds my fingers went numb ( can't do a bloody thing in gloves ) and soon after quite painful. O. had to help me out with putting camera to my backpack, as I had completely stiff hands. No idea what temperature might had been that day, but surely well below -10C! It always amazes me-the passing of time, changing of seasons. Can't wait for Spring, when every little plant emerging from the soil is a joy to look at. The shade of green that only young leaves have. The smell of wind carrying mixed scents of plants. The first spring rain. And the light, lots of light until the very evening...
Working on the God of Thunder. Made some weapons, and started the armour, but there is still a lot of work before me.
Managed to produce Tailed Emperor and sell it. Hopefully I'll be able to gather money for THE TICKET. If we won't be able to attend this eterprise, at least I could invest in local gym and do something for myself.
Am weak. Can't even lift myself properly on the bar, can't do any push-ups. Must strengthen myself. Won't risk cycling at this temperature and overall conditions. Would probably knock my teeth out or something. AND drown in my own nasal fluids.
Made pizza today (not entirely by myself) and it turned out good. Felted few woolen hearts.
Might go to the church tomorrow! Or not. There is some photographic documentation to be done of Grandpa's work. He made every single thing there: the altar, confessionals, stations of the cross and so on. Existing photos are simply revolting. Would prefer not to go there on Sunday as I can't stand all these pompous ceremonies. Probably though, O. won't deliver, so I will almost certainly remain home...
38 days. Seems like eternity...
of usual
26.01.2011
To cut things short-working with D600 is a delight. Nothing can stop me now from capturing the reality.
Have usual ups and downs-I think this is just something I'll never get rid off...
Working on Thor. Of course I shan't leave him in his birthday suit- must do some research on norse armour and adornments. So far, he looks good.
And here is better picture of Herja:
Today I must complete felt butterfly (Tailed Emperor), for tomorrow my aunt will take it to her friend.
Added two more collages to my Etsy gallery. Was invited to one of the Etsy groups, and to my utter surprise it gave more attention to my shop than running search ads for two weeks! Still I wish someone would actually BUY something, instead of ADMIRING... Decided (with hesistation) to make few felted, heart-shaped brooches in different color combinations, and place them on allegro. I absolutely hate, hate, hate this Valentine rush, but last year made some money on postcards, so this year might try something different.
Made ciabatta-it's gone already...
Did the laundry.
Signing up for Pepiniera...
And here is portrait of Crybaby. He's my favourite cat from the lot:
To cut things short-working with D600 is a delight. Nothing can stop me now from capturing the reality.
Have usual ups and downs-I think this is just something I'll never get rid off...
Working on Thor. Of course I shan't leave him in his birthday suit- must do some research on norse armour and adornments. So far, he looks good.
And here is better picture of Herja:
Today I must complete felt butterfly (Tailed Emperor), for tomorrow my aunt will take it to her friend.
Added two more collages to my Etsy gallery. Was invited to one of the Etsy groups, and to my utter surprise it gave more attention to my shop than running search ads for two weeks! Still I wish someone would actually BUY something, instead of ADMIRING... Decided (with hesistation) to make few felted, heart-shaped brooches in different color combinations, and place them on allegro. I absolutely hate, hate, hate this Valentine rush, but last year made some money on postcards, so this year might try something different.
Made ciabatta-it's gone already...
Did the laundry.
Signing up for Pepiniera...
And here is portrait of Crybaby. He's my favourite cat from the lot:
of tools
23.01.2012
Had really good time on Friday and Saturday, and a really lousy Sunday. Am really pissed I can't spend more time with O. Lack of time (well, not on MY side) and certain distance (10km?) make it impossible to meet up more often, even for half an hour or such. And I need it. Perhaps I'm acquisitive-what I have is not enough, I always expect more. What I find particularly annoying, is that time for some reason speeds up when not necessary, and slows down when I need it to pass as quickly as possible. When you have a great time you want it to last forever, don't you??
My new hairstyle drawn some attention in the Family-Grandpa says I look younger, and so says O. Does it mean I look like a teenager now? Aunt U. said she'd love to do the same, but she thinks it would look kind of inappropriate at her age. I think not. My Mother said I have a thing for extravagance, and I must admit I do. In general-am glad I've done it.
Now I know that I'm not going to attend Behemoth's concert. Nergal perhaps is a charismatic guy but in my opinion has major lacks at the voice department. Music is fine. To much satan though- it bores me almost as much as sermon in the church. And I'm broke. While writing this I received two calls from O.- one to inform me that Kris has two tickets for us at the good price (50zł), and shortly after he called to say that Kris sold one already. Which concludes the case. If we have Opeth in mind next month (at least I do!), then this 50zł makes a difference to my budget...
Have I mentioned that I failed to win anything at the photo contest? Why, oh, why my Canon arrived today, and not two weeks ago... Still, meeting with Tomasz Tomaszewski was quite nice, and can count as a positive experience.
Oh, yes, well Canon Rebel T3i arrived in the morning (I always claim 23th of a month to be lucky) packed in awesome thick plywood case, which my Far made to protect equipment inside. Of course charger cable is typical for an american socket, so I need adapter. Andrew gave me one, and I managed to charge the battery full. Left adapter for five goddamn minutes at the kitchen's table, only to find it in shreds on the carpet!! I thought I'll kill Perkele, for obviously she climbed the chair, picked adapter from table and Tora finished it off. One day I will do something awful to this mindless creature. She brought more destruction to this house within three months, than whole rest of dogs and cats residing here for years! Odin protect me from myself.....
Fortunately Aunt has another adapter, and Andrew said he'll pick some of these from his colleague. It's easily aviable on allegro, but surely, I prefer to get it for free. Soon I'll be in need of USA-UK adapter, though. As for camera-It's great. It has few silly options in it (for ex. toy camera effect, or miniature effect-the one you get with tilt and shift ), and some I haven't checked yet.
Here is portrait of Misia, one of our bitches. She's 17 years old and I have reasons to suspect she has some sight and hearing problems. Her hind legs are dragged stiff, and she loves to bark endlessly. But she has a kind face... Today four trees had been cut down-could hear the sound of falling pieces and feel ground shaking. It always saddens me-trees cannot scream or defend themselves. But this had to be done-otherwise one day half of the house would be in ruin.
Had really good time on Friday and Saturday, and a really lousy Sunday. Am really pissed I can't spend more time with O. Lack of time (well, not on MY side) and certain distance (10km?) make it impossible to meet up more often, even for half an hour or such. And I need it. Perhaps I'm acquisitive-what I have is not enough, I always expect more. What I find particularly annoying, is that time for some reason speeds up when not necessary, and slows down when I need it to pass as quickly as possible. When you have a great time you want it to last forever, don't you??
My new hairstyle drawn some attention in the Family-Grandpa says I look younger, and so says O. Does it mean I look like a teenager now? Aunt U. said she'd love to do the same, but she thinks it would look kind of inappropriate at her age. I think not. My Mother said I have a thing for extravagance, and I must admit I do. In general-am glad I've done it.
Now I know that I'm not going to attend Behemoth's concert. Nergal perhaps is a charismatic guy but in my opinion has major lacks at the voice department. Music is fine. To much satan though- it bores me almost as much as sermon in the church. And I'm broke. While writing this I received two calls from O.- one to inform me that Kris has two tickets for us at the good price (50zł), and shortly after he called to say that Kris sold one already. Which concludes the case. If we have Opeth in mind next month (at least I do!), then this 50zł makes a difference to my budget...
Have I mentioned that I failed to win anything at the photo contest? Why, oh, why my Canon arrived today, and not two weeks ago... Still, meeting with Tomasz Tomaszewski was quite nice, and can count as a positive experience.
Oh, yes, well Canon Rebel T3i arrived in the morning (I always claim 23th of a month to be lucky) packed in awesome thick plywood case, which my Far made to protect equipment inside. Of course charger cable is typical for an american socket, so I need adapter. Andrew gave me one, and I managed to charge the battery full. Left adapter for five goddamn minutes at the kitchen's table, only to find it in shreds on the carpet!! I thought I'll kill Perkele, for obviously she climbed the chair, picked adapter from table and Tora finished it off. One day I will do something awful to this mindless creature. She brought more destruction to this house within three months, than whole rest of dogs and cats residing here for years! Odin protect me from myself.....
Fortunately Aunt has another adapter, and Andrew said he'll pick some of these from his colleague. It's easily aviable on allegro, but surely, I prefer to get it for free. Soon I'll be in need of USA-UK adapter, though. As for camera-It's great. It has few silly options in it (for ex. toy camera effect, or miniature effect-the one you get with tilt and shift ), and some I haven't checked yet.
of partial baldness and such
19.01.2012
Am 31 years 4 months old today.
Shaving side of my head hasn't anything to do with it though.
My first doll/figurine called Herja is now finished. Made few mistakes, but not very significant. Outfit is made of leather, hair-out of silk.
Pictures are of poor quality, but will sort that out when my Canon arrives. Can't give precise measurements of Herja's body right now, as she still remains at Grandpa's workshop. There is one final thing to be done-to bore a hole in her bottom and attach a nail/wire to the wooden stand. This way she might be taken off the stand and be placed anywhere (shelf and etc.).
Now I'm working on Thor's figurine-he'll be slightly smaller, but Herja doesn't belong to my planned series of scandinavian gods, so it doesn't matter. I have almost finished Thor's head and am quite satisfied. He'll be sitting as well, wearing some detailed armour with real leather on it and holding a helmet and of course his Hammer. Might add the iron gloves too. Generally rather fierce looking handsome badass, hah. Don't know what of his hair-it'll be made of Sculpey I suppose, unless I get some nice brown or terra coloured silk. I checked on allegro and brown is avaiable, however it isn't especially attractive shade. Rather dull I'd say. And orange silk is far too orangey to my liking...Might need black and white as well-the latter for Odin's head. And I have some of my own hair to be used for doll making!
There is hope for custom made butterfly/moth brooch again and maybe a hat. Would be great.
Am 31 years 4 months old today.
Shaving side of my head hasn't anything to do with it though.
My first doll/figurine called Herja is now finished. Made few mistakes, but not very significant. Outfit is made of leather, hair-out of silk.
Pictures are of poor quality, but will sort that out when my Canon arrives. Can't give precise measurements of Herja's body right now, as she still remains at Grandpa's workshop. There is one final thing to be done-to bore a hole in her bottom and attach a nail/wire to the wooden stand. This way she might be taken off the stand and be placed anywhere (shelf and etc.).
There is hope for custom made butterfly/moth brooch again and maybe a hat. Would be great.
of inspirations
14.01.2012
Photos sent. Wonder if anything good happens.
Yesterday was Friday the 13th, much feared date for some people-it happened to be rather nice for me. I had great plans to cut some things forever but did not deliver. Am giving myself more time to understand and accept thing as they are.
My doll has been slightly reshaped- I decided to give her more muscles and make her more warrior type than the etherial one. I want her to kick ass-not literally. Today ( although late is the hour ) I'll start sculpting some other doll/figurine. I have always been impressed with works of Simon Bisley, I think he's a natural genius. If I only had a fraction of his drawing talent I would be extremely proud of myself! Even his bible inspired drawings are of undeniable beauty. But let us not be fooled-he's on the dark side...
Will I ever master human anatomy this well, or the game of light?!Or the movement?!!
I feel truly impaired.
Meanwhile, it appears that winter wants to mark it's territory after all. Can't say I'm overly happy with it. I'm observing little corriander and even smaller oregano sprouts shyily emerging from the brown, fertile soil I gave them. They grow in handsome, clay pots I have found at the old plant nursery at the edge of the nearby forest.
Also, I wonder I ever get to that stage with my body. Not with my joints, I guess.
52 days.
One more Biz:
Photos sent. Wonder if anything good happens.
Yesterday was Friday the 13th, much feared date for some people-it happened to be rather nice for me. I had great plans to cut some things forever but did not deliver. Am giving myself more time to understand and accept thing as they are.
My doll has been slightly reshaped- I decided to give her more muscles and make her more warrior type than the etherial one. I want her to kick ass-not literally. Today ( although late is the hour ) I'll start sculpting some other doll/figurine. I have always been impressed with works of Simon Bisley, I think he's a natural genius. If I only had a fraction of his drawing talent I would be extremely proud of myself! Even his bible inspired drawings are of undeniable beauty. But let us not be fooled-he's on the dark side...
Will I ever master human anatomy this well, or the game of light?!Or the movement?!!
I feel truly impaired.
Meanwhile, it appears that winter wants to mark it's territory after all. Can't say I'm overly happy with it. I'm observing little corriander and even smaller oregano sprouts shyily emerging from the brown, fertile soil I gave them. They grow in handsome, clay pots I have found at the old plant nursery at the edge of the nearby forest.
Also, I wonder I ever get to that stage with my body. Not with my joints, I guess.
52 days.
One more Biz:
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