Must share it till it is fresh in my mind.
There are at least three new beings on their way to this world. Which leads me to the conclusion that I really am different than most of people when it comes to approach to life. There is no regret in me that I've chosen less popular path, however I do feel something of an unease, a strange urge to pity others for their naive expectations. They think that all the horror and pain of life will avoid them and their children just because they deserve it. I cannot criticise someone who's already pregnant, and I have no right to manipulate or interfere into someone's life choices. But it makes me wanna scream: WHY? WHY? Don't you see life is pointless? I would give anything for not being born. And yet, we never have any choice, it just happens. And as soon as we die, the memory of our existence vanishes slowly but surely, until not a trace is being left. Unless you're Marylin Monroe. Or Walt Disney. Then perhaps you may exist for many decades in people's imagination.
I begin to wonder if I'm not obsessed with condition of my health .
Conversations with O. today didn't lift my spirits neither, he too doesn't see much of a sense in his life. And his relationship is falling apart even though he doesn't see it yet. Not only I cannot save him, but I can't save anybody I care about, even me.
*
Started new pyrography-the hawk.
Frames for my paintings have been ordered.
My tooth is killing me.
Got my tax return.
Heavy rain.
Hope to see some proper forest within a week.
I need a juicer.
Technically :22 days to go.
I feel:
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