I think I should start counting so called BAD DAYS and then summarise every month. And see if I'm really at the edge of sanity. What is certain is that I'm completely and utterly lost. But worst of all is DISSAPOINTMENT!! And, Holy Mother Of Fuck I can't help it but remain sorely dissapointed with almost everything and everyone, especially with myself. Those mood sways are killing me.
Yesterday I was at the concert of Tides From Nebula and been having moderately good time with Orlando and some of his friends. Went there for free again as O. won double ticket in radio contest.
And I met with Aga twice already, as she came for few days with her ill behaved daughters and with parents. Received stuff requested. I should be glad, that FINALLY some friendly soul came to rescue me for few days, and maybe even I was glad, for a brief moment but it faded away.
Perhaps the most interesting experience of the day was a meal at the Milk Bar, near Kosciuszko Square. Felt for a moment as I was transferred in time.
And later on it was just getting worse and worse...
Suddenly I got it: I'm addicted to somebody's attention! What a horrible thing to discover!! I wish I was a village mad woman- self-sufficient in every way, outcast surrounded by plants and animals, living away from all I despise and don't understand. Escape is what I need.
And yes, my heart is bleeding, it's torn apart, it's weak. Too much love. Too many expectations. And at the end of a day all what's left is anger.
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