Yes. It's past midnight, so Christmas Eve is yet before me. Been making dumplings for the last few hours, drinking Bailey's with ice and trying not to think too much of how irrelevant the whole thing is. People get thrills from such moments of anticipation. They expect that THIS TIME EVERYTHING WILL BE PERFECTLY MAGICAL. No annoying family members complaining about the unsatisfactory consistency of soup/pate/fish-you name it. No bitter words. No completely improper and useless gifts. No cardiac arrests, bloated bellies and not-so-quite well hidden farts released under the table. No tough discussions about politics, religion, and economy. Just pure love and understanding...
Most likely this will be just not so. I don't know. This is my first Christmas here since I left this very place almost 20 years ago. Wish I wouldn't be bound to this strange rituals, which have nothing to do with logic, but are mindlessly repeated over hundreds, thousands of years. Only now, the whole cause of it- fella called Jesus- is being almost utterly removed from the mass conciousness. In the name of god and the holy spirit-let us buy, buy, BUY!!
Still have few things to do. I might take the whole gift-making too seriously. Don't know if I'll be able to take some photos of stuff I've just made, and I mean GOOD photos, not just some pics taken in a hurry with random light and background...And, well, I did one heck of a job. Wonder if it'll be sufficiently appreciated...
AND I hope not to receive any oversized underwear or perfumes that make me dizzy or shitloads of MILK chocolate...
Am slightly anxious about possible Skype conversation with my beloved Father, who is now as strange to me as those rare animals living far away, seen only by the chosen. He existst and yet seem to be unreal. What an unfair and cruel life.
Condition of my cuz remains the same.
What a lovely gift for his already tormented mother. I wonder if he'd had a chance to return to his former state, would he ever cosider to stop drinking? If there is no will to live, why not just finish it nice and quickly? :-/
Have some wood burning left, and my eyelids are getting heavier...Better finish it now...
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